In Him we live and move and have our being.

I walk up to where He sits, bathed in glorious light that radiates a thousand different colours which hide His frame. The nearer I get to the throne, the more my heart is consumed in love, fountains of overflowing love, a love that has been towards me for eternity's past and envelops me in completeness. He reaches arms out to me and pulls me up onto His lap. Papa. My Papa. He holds me close and I burrow my head into his neck and breathe deep long breaths aware of nothing but this moment. We stay awhile in this place, there is no other thought in me but Him, and He keeps pouring His heart into mine as if we are blending, in mystical union, I am caught up in the Trinity, three become four in this dance of love.

I then become aware of a tugging, a pull. I am being drawn in even deeper, I am being pulled into His very being. There is a tunnel of darkness and then I am released into vast galaxies. I float as if in space and yet this is different. I know I am inside the Father, I have been drawn into the depths of Him. I have no control over my body, I am carried along by his very heartbeat. Even the space is filled with love. Love is everywhere, in everything. As his heart beats, colours pulsate all around, they explode and then diminish and no sooner does one beat end than another starts. The rhythm is so constant, so reassuring and I realise that this rhythm holds every planet, every ocean, every part of humanity in its place. I know that within this vast expanse of my Papa is every kingdom and nation, every created being, everything to which he has given breath. Each one perfectly and wholly known and loved with immeasurable, wild, intoxicating love. Not one is out of His thoughts or vision.

The love within Him is too powerful to describe, too expansive to contain and yet all are contained easily within. Within these vast oceans of His being are clusters of incredible light and colour, alive with glory, all shapes and sizes and dimensions. I am pulled into brilliant white and held within this comet of love. I am shot out to be consumed by a massive sphere of brilliant orange burning with fire. Jealous fire burns around me and yet I am unharmed. Next a whole ocean of milky blue, translucent, moving like tides. I enter and know a peace I have never experienced before. I feel like I am exploring facets of my Papa's heart and personality and this process is transforming me. I know I belong here and, even better, I know I never have to leave. I know too that there are many more contained within Him. It’s here that we live and move and have our being. All things flow from this place of perfection. It’s here that we are held together. It’s here that our days are written before one of them comes into existence. There is no place for fear here, only the perfect, safe wonderful love of the Father. He is in control, He does it all, He directs the course of my life and each one of my days.

"Papa, I don't want to leave this place".

"Beloved, you don't have to".

Nicky xxx

John 14:20
Acts 17:24-28

The Glorious Unknown

I'm on a journey into the great, awesome, glorious unknown. I have been captured by a love that transcends all reason, that is way bigger than myself and I cannot turn back. I am being drawn by the gravity of this love into increasing comprehension of its depths, loosing myself to it, forgetting who I am outside of its consuming glory.

I am going beyond the horizon, way beyond what I know and what I can see. Into the unknown places and spaces, dimensions and realities of Him. I am being drawn beyond my comprehension, leaving my own miniscule thoughts and ways behind – they are smaller than tiny dots compared to the vast ocean of His. I am leaving all that is familiar, all that I have known to journey into the glory of the unknown. I have to let go of the old and the familiar. I have to let go of all I have experienced and understood thus far. I have to take courage and be willing to journey into mystery and allow the discomfort of this new to be a constant companion. I know if I want to live in the fullness that is mine, if I want to see His glory change the world this is the path I must travel.

I am already in, I know that resistance is futile – a force way greater than me pulls me in and in and in until I cannot see behind, in front or around. I let go of me because all I want is Him. I want to be lost in the knowledge of Jesus, I want only Jesus, I loose myself because He is all that matters.

This feels like it goes beyond Mary sitting at Jesus' feet. Since the wonderful, glorious cross, I am united with my Christ. I am free to go further than sitting at His feet. He has made the way for me to merge with His very being, to be in union with Him and to experience the joyous bliss of the new covenant. He has placed the fullness of the Godhead within my being and His river of life and glory flows from within wherever I place my feet. This is about being not doing, about resting not working, trust not strife, about sinking into the finished work of the cross where He has done it all. Being will lead me there – a path unfamiliar, alien to most. Nothing required, I don't need to lift a finger because He has done it all. I can trust His gravitational pull to draw me into the cloud of His presence and from here all else will flow. From here the sick are healed and the broken mended, the lost found and the abandoned adopted.

It is all about Him because He has done it all. He has caught me up into this incredible, transforming, intoxicating journey and I am happily helpless to resist.

Nicky

xx