On the eve of departure

It's the eve of our departure to Canada, the day we thought would never come. Bags packed (travelling light amazingly!), tickets booked, old friends waiting, new friends to be made. It is another step along the unknown path. This journey of daily trust, daily surrender, leaning on Jesus. Only He knows what lies ahead and the treasures He has waiting for us to find. My heart is settled having come through a wobble when the house actually sold and I feel ready for the next step in this adventure. Papa has shown Himself faithful over and over and He will not divert from His promises. He will remain true to His word and faithful to His plans.

Already the journey is unexpected. We were in Germany last week – a last minute invitation to get involved with a conference in Duisburg near Dussledorf. We had the time of our lives. The conference was wild - a riot of Holy Spirit drunkenness and masses of fun! The cloud of His presence was strong and many were touched deeply. Salvations and healings broke out on the streets as the glory of heaven invaded and many were hijacked by love. We met incredible people – amazing that on Monday you don't know someone and by Friday you love them! Papa met with us too with deeper revelation of His love, with words of encouragement for what is to come, through prophecy. Truly loved up by the God who loves like no other.

I had a vision of Jesus the lion standing in front of me roaring and as He did my skin was blown off – shedding the old to reveal the new. The next day we found ourselves called to the front with a handful of other couples receiving a word about our old mantles being taken off and new ones being put on. We were not to look back but to live in the new. Great preparation at the start of this new adventure :) We fell in love with Germany – the place and the people and we hope to return.

Next step Canada for 3 months and then into America in August. Not what we had planned. Again I discover that my plans and expectations need a constant willingness to surrender to His and I love it. I have a fierce hunger growing in me to be resolute in my trust, resolute with my gaze, to have nothing but Jesus and to follow no-one but Him. I am more aware than ever that just a little leaven affects the whole loaf. I either trust wholly or I am not trusting. It may look ridiculous to the world and even to the church it could appear utterly foolish, but I don't care! For this is the path I choose and I want to walk further along it. I want to get completely lost on it, go so deep that I don't find my way back to normal or comfortable.

I know this is His path and we are all invited onto it whether we are travelling, working or raising children. This unknown path is beyond beautiful. It is fragranced with heaven itself , it is lined with angelic presence, it is made of the colours of the Kingdom and there are daily treasures to be found. Joy is common on this path – a joy that pervades any circumstance and can laugh in any adversity. And those that travel it are true companions – those that love deeply and wildly and cheer you along at every step!

So bring it on! Deeper I am pulled into the heart of love. Not a work of my own doing, but of grace. The grace to trust, the grace to lean, the grace that calls me His. We have no idea what is to come but we go willingly and excitedly because He is good and totally trustworthy.

Nicky xxx

On the glory train to nowhere

Well here's our blog empty and waiting for news. I feel compelled to write this week so here goes. I'm not eloquent or gifted with words so feel free to read these ramblings or give up!

We were both hoping to pen our first blog entries from somewhere hot and beautiful but here I sit in our temporary home with Mike's mum and dad in Budleigh Salterton - blanket, hot water bottle, cold! Yet a lightness and joy of heart makes up for the coldness of body.

This particular part of our journey has been long, requiring much perseverance through trying circumstances. A house on the market for 18 months, our 4th buyer promising a quick sale that was meant to complete 2 weeks ago, but which has now been delayed by as much as 10 more weeks. We had felt it safe to investigate our 'round the world' tickets and were dreaming of Sri Lankan skies for Christmas with great friends. A bank account very much more than empty (one reason why we are now in Budleigh with parents!) and expectations dashed again.

So why a lightness and joy of heart?! I sit here so grateful for difficult circumstances that have brought us to this point. This whole process, the disappointment of failed house sales, of lost dreams and expectations have been the road that has led ever deeper into the burning heart of Jesus. With every obstacle and every tear comes a forward motion, yes may-be just a shuffle, an inch at a time, but forwards none the less. Trust, surrender, trust, surrender, trust, surrender, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. A stripping of my thoughts and ways, give way to His. It would not have looked like this had I been in control. It would have been neat and ordered with some great testimony of victory and miraculous intervention. It would have been fireworks and trumpets and if I'm honest, just a little bit of glory for me. Yet I cannot put into words how wonderfully freeing this process is. How much lighter I feel giving up my rights and my wants to yield to the One who always knows what's best for me and loves me unceasingly.

I find I don't grasp as I used to to things that don't matter. I worry less, I don't need to be in control as much. I want to live free, free to be blown by the wind of the Spirit with the ability to bend and move like clay in the potters hands. I am intoxicated with His love for me like never before and I delight in drinking heavily on the new wine that He pours out. He is transforming me into a new wine skin - it doesn't look like I thought it would. It doesn't look particularly victorious and has no neat edges. It doesn't read like a fairy tale but the happy ending is Him, purely, simply, beautifully Him. He is all I need, all I long for, all that satisfies. As I have let go of me, there has been more room for Him. I am becoming addicted to 'letting go', letting go of all that is not at His instigation, all that is not of Him. In letting go I can fly unhindered, unencumbered and feel the exilhiration of free fall - woooosh!

So we are on the train to nowhere - the 'now' and the 'here'. Living each day with a hunger for His presence and breathing in as deeply as possible all that comes our way. Only Papa knows where we are headed and when we will get there - and right now that's enough. I want to enjoy the ride, enjoy the glory of Him and simply live in the peace that comes from knowing He has it all worked out.

Nicky xxx