In Him we live and move and have our being.

I walk up to where He sits, bathed in glorious light that radiates a thousand different colours which hide His frame. The nearer I get to the throne, the more my heart is consumed in love, fountains of overflowing love, a love that has been towards me for eternity's past and envelops me in completeness. He reaches arms out to me and pulls me up onto His lap. Papa. My Papa. He holds me close and I burrow my head into his neck and breathe deep long breaths aware of nothing but this moment. We stay awhile in this place, there is no other thought in me but Him, and He keeps pouring His heart into mine as if we are blending, in mystical union, I am caught up in the Trinity, three become four in this dance of love.

I then become aware of a tugging, a pull. I am being drawn in even deeper, I am being pulled into His very being. There is a tunnel of darkness and then I am released into vast galaxies. I float as if in space and yet this is different. I know I am inside the Father, I have been drawn into the depths of Him. I have no control over my body, I am carried along by his very heartbeat. Even the space is filled with love. Love is everywhere, in everything. As his heart beats, colours pulsate all around, they explode and then diminish and no sooner does one beat end than another starts. The rhythm is so constant, so reassuring and I realise that this rhythm holds every planet, every ocean, every part of humanity in its place. I know that within this vast expanse of my Papa is every kingdom and nation, every created being, everything to which he has given breath. Each one perfectly and wholly known and loved with immeasurable, wild, intoxicating love. Not one is out of His thoughts or vision.

The love within Him is too powerful to describe, too expansive to contain and yet all are contained easily within. Within these vast oceans of His being are clusters of incredible light and colour, alive with glory, all shapes and sizes and dimensions. I am pulled into brilliant white and held within this comet of love. I am shot out to be consumed by a massive sphere of brilliant orange burning with fire. Jealous fire burns around me and yet I am unharmed. Next a whole ocean of milky blue, translucent, moving like tides. I enter and know a peace I have never experienced before. I feel like I am exploring facets of my Papa's heart and personality and this process is transforming me. I know I belong here and, even better, I know I never have to leave. I know too that there are many more contained within Him. It’s here that we live and move and have our being. All things flow from this place of perfection. It’s here that we are held together. It’s here that our days are written before one of them comes into existence. There is no place for fear here, only the perfect, safe wonderful love of the Father. He is in control, He does it all, He directs the course of my life and each one of my days.

"Papa, I don't want to leave this place".

"Beloved, you don't have to".

Nicky xxx

John 14:20
Acts 17:24-28

The three R's

When we first meet them on our travels, many people ask us “What’s your journey all about?” or words to that effect.

At first, we would just look at each other and reply with something along the lines of “We’re on a pilgrimage.”

That sort of sums it up but it’s pretty unhelpful huh?!

Two months in to our trip, it feels like things are becoming a little clearer. It’s not that our desires have changed - we are still passionate about His Presence, we still simply want to follow the leadings of Holy Spirit, we still yearn to encounter Jesus face to face - but God’s plans for us on this journey are slowly becoming apparent.

Rest

“What? More rest!” I can almost hear you exclaim. “But you haven’t worked for the past three years!”

That’s true, but it’s not that kind of rest we are discovering, and besides the response we would get during those three years when we went to Papa to ask if I should get a job was always a resounding “No!”

Anyway, I digress.

No, the rest we are learning is the rest that comes only in a place where we totally trust Him. You see, trust with any hint of doubt, any drop of anxiety, any shadow of fear is not really trust at all.

If we say we trust God, but harbour doubts about His goodness or ours for that matter; or worry about having nothing in the bank account or even our pockets; or are scared by the thought of not knowing what comes tomorrow, let alone next month or next year, is that really trusting?

It is only when we come to that place where our trust is absolute, or ‘ruthless’ as Brennan Manning would have it, that we truly find rest. That’s the place where we are learning to abide. It’s not that we’re there every minute of every day, but it’s the place we keep coming back to, the place where He keeps gently leading us.

Reticulated

For the past few years I have had the joy of God using words to speak to me in my dreams. I’ve rarely heard of the words He gives me, if at all, and I never, ever know what they mean! In fact, I always have to look them up in a dictionary before I know what He’s saying. Cool huh?

So, the day before we boarded the plane to Canada, I had a dream. And I had a new word. Reticulated. And here’s what I found when I looked it up on-line:

re·tic·u·late
1. netted; covered with a network.
2. netlike.
3. having veins or nerves disposed like the threads of a net, or a leaf.
4. to form into a network.
to cover or mark with a network.

It seems God was telling us He was weaving us into a network, plugging us in, getting us connected. And it was only a matter of minutes before He started doing just that. Well actually, as it turns out, He started doing it 20 years ago!

Back then, a couple came from California with a group to visit a church in London, where they met Nic. To cut a long story short, Nic ended up visiting this couple later that year at their home in California.

Cut back to the day I had the dream, and that same morning Nic had been listening to a Bill Johnson podcast whilst out on her run. Bill Johnson is the pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, California, the destination at the very top of our list of places to visit on our trip.

Now you have to know that Bill never mentions names in his talks. But this morning, what does he do? He mentions the name of a couple who have been attending the church for over 50 years. Yup, you guessed it! It was the very same couple who Nic had met all those years ago.

I know, this was supposed to be the short version of the story, sorry!

Anyway, we find them on Facebook, they are delighted to hear from us and now we are going to be staying with them when we visit Bethel Church in September. But that’s not all, because it turns out that they are connected right into the heart of the church, to Bill himself - they are in fact his in-laws! How cool is that?!

And this is a story that has repeated itself over again on our journey. We are being reticulated, plugged in to a network, connected in at the very heart.

Retro Specs

Another night. Another dream.

And this time it wasn’t a new word I was given, but a new take on an old one.

In the dream, I was given a pair of glasses, or ‘retro-specs’ as the person giving them to me called them, and was told to put them on.

God was telling us that we might not be able to see or understand the real purpose for our trip while we are still journeying, but that in ‘retro-specs’ (retrospect) as we look back all will become clear.

So now, when we are asked what our journey is all about, we can respond with a little more certainty. We can tell them it’s about trusting, that we are being connected into a network, and that all will become clear when we look back in weeks, months or even years from now.