Step by step

I'm not enjoying this part of the journey. With Christmas around the corner, I want to be in the home I don't have, decorating a tree with the children I don't have, listening to Christmas carols and getting excited about the season. I want to have been able to do Christmas shopping and wrap gifts for friends and family. I miss being part of a community. Instead we leave for London tomorrow, stepping out in faith believing it's what Holy Spirit is leading us to do. We hope 'against all human odds' for tickets to take us to Sri Lanka in time for Christmas, but only He knows where this step will lead us. My heart aches and I feel the cost of the narrow path again.

Yet, I always come back to love, hanging upon a tree, and to the fact that I am a new creation, that I have been given a new life and that I am loved beyond all measure. In His incredible love and divine wisdom, this is the best path for me, right now, today, and that here on this path there is treasure in the darkness. This part of the journey, even the pain, is transforming me and preparing me for what is ahead. I need to yield to this, to be on this step because this step leads to the next one and is vital. I trust my Beloved Jesus, I know Him to be wholly good and overflowing with loving kindness towards me, so I know that this momentary affliction will pass, will do it's work and the darkness will turn to light again.

“We seldom get to choose our circumstances, but we always get to choose our responses. Men and women of God understand that nothing is coincidental, they take advantage of everything in order to discover God and find themselves.”

Graham Cooke

I am also comforted in remembering that life on earth is just a whisper of time compared to an eternity of living every day in heaven, face to face with Him. I only have one opportunity here on earth to choose Him, to yield even when it hurts and to say yes. I know that all loss will be great gain whether in this world or in Heaven. I also know that I am storing up a weight of glory in these circumstances for eternity.
 

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison." 

2 Corinthians 4:17 NASB

If your path is dark and stormy, take heart that 'this too shall pass', that He is with you in it and using every circumstance to produce a greater weight of glory for you. He is already leading you to the next step, which will be different to this one. He already has victory in mind. He keeps you close to his heart and He knows and sees the end from the beginning. He sees the full picture and knows that it is good. Remember His kindness, be confident in His love, keep going and expect good things. 

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. That Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." 

Ephesians 3:17-20. NLT

Feeling the pinch

Pummelled, crushed, squeezed on this narrow narrow path. Tears, pain and discomfort. This dark unknown. Walking, stumbling, trusting, blindly moving forward holding the hand of love and breathing in the aroma of heaven. Wrecked by love  even here in this dark place. He is worth every breath, every tear, every cold, damp night, every inconvenience, every discomfort. He is worth it all, even when it hurts and the way ahead seems totally blocked. My soul feels bruised and circumstances are testing yet my Spirit yields in the knowledge that His ways are wise and good and He is holding a banner of love above my head.

You are worth it Jesus. My devotion is on you. All that I am is turned towards you. In this place where I feel naked and exposed and there is nothing to hide behind, no other comfort. I remember that you really are enough. That i am clothed in you, hidden in the Father, safe.

You really are all I want. You are enough Jesus, you ARE enough. I trust you. I know that you love me and I am convinced of your goodness even in the storm. There is no other my heart desires, there is no other lover for me besides you. I don't know how long this battering storm will go on but I shout to the skies, I shout as loudly as I can that you are worth it and my heart belongs to no other. I run this race and I cannot turn around for this path is too narrow for turning.

Heaven is my home, heaven is where I dwell. Earth is a fleeting moment where pain and suffering is real but even now with my feet in the natural, I abide in the heavenly realms, pulled in by their wild gravity. This is the place where I find rest and sink into Shalom. I know I am found by you. I know your thoughts reach me, I know you are with me here in this dark place. I sing for joy for this is the path you have chosen for me and I walk it gladly trusting in your wisdom and your kindness. You will not fail me. You will not let me down. I surrender. I am yours. I praise, worship and adore you. Abba, Papa, friend, IN you.

Nicky xxx 

Beyond the shadow of doubt

 We landed in the UK as October gave way to November, and the warm weather of North America gave way to the cold and damp of England. Our trip had been rich with treasure. Not of the monetary kind, though we found generosity and love as we followed our favour across the continent and back, but in the form of precious friendships and a bounty of prophetic words and promises from Papa. Before we left back in April, God had made it clear that a significant part of our trip was to be about the connections we made, His purpose was reticulation, connecting us in to the body of Christ, and this was most definitely our experience. The rich promises He spoke into our lives, through many prophets and prophetic words, were also clearly part of His divine purpose.

As we travelled, we continued to seek God each day, as has been our practice for the last three years or more, enjoying His presence in the moment, as well as seeking wisdom and revelation about His destiny and purpose for our lives. We may not have changed outwardly, apart from a few extra pounds (Mike) and longer hair (Nic), but we are acutely aware that we have been, and continue to be, transformed by the renewing of our minds. Papa has been so gentle and kind as He has led us on the path of preparation for what is to come.

And so we find ourselves back in our home country, but without a home of our own. It’s a situation that has proven challenging, but once again God has gently been encouraging us to make our home in Him wherever we find ourselves in the world. We also have a sense of not fitting in the UK, not right now anyway. It’s a strange and somewhat disconcerting feeling, when we have spent 40+ years of our lives here, but once again we can see God’s hand at work, for we believe He is calling us on and that now is not the time for us to settle back here. In fact, God had told us that we have more ‘spices’ to collect on our travels, to add to those He has already given us, before the recipe is complete. In this sense, our journey has been and continues to be, like a school, training us for the life in ministry (for want of a better word!) that He is calling us to.

We have been visiting family and friends in London and Devon since our return, and are planning to spend time in Wales and Scotland before we leave the country again. Our intention is to leave for Sri Lanka to visit friends there for a few weeks, before going on to New Zealand, again to stay with friends for up to six months, followed by South and North America. Though we will be travelling once more, this stage will look a little different as we aim for a more settled existence in each location - to enable Mike to find a daily rhythm in which he can write (something Papa has been on his case about!) and in order to experience community in a way that constant movement from one place to another doesn’t allow for.

All of which brings us pretty much up to date. Our journey has been one of ruthless trust, of learning to depend on Papa, because He is totally dependable. We have felt an increasing call to lives lived in faith for our every need, not just because the funds from our house sale have slowly dwindled to the point now where they have been used up, but because we believe He is able to meet our every need. For us, and we recognise that such a path is not for everyone, this means not seeking paid employment, but continuing to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, trusting that all these other things will be added.

Our journey of learning to trust has not just been about trusting God, but also about learning to trust that we hear from Him, that as His beloved children in relationship with Him, He speaks to us. Not in a booming voice, not in the wind or the earthquake, but, like Elijah, in the gentle breeze. Our plans to continue our travels are not in response to a loud and clear command but a quiet invitation. We are choosing to believe that we have heard His voice and that, in spite of our circumstances and lack of finances as we write, He will meet us with the provision we need as we step out in faith.

We are excited as we anticipate with confident expectation our Papa providing for us. It’s not an easy path to tread, but a daily choice to persevere and let our beliefs determine our experience, rather than the other way around. And so we wait patiently, for the most part, and in the waiting God continues the process of transforming us, shaping us, preparing us for all that He has for us in our lives and all that He wants to do through our lives.

Mike & Nicky

xxx

The emperor's new clothes

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality.” Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody

I have for many years lived with the burning desire to know the reality of life as a believer; to experience what it truly means to live on earth as it is in Heaven; to be able to discern the facts of a life lived in Christ from the fiction of a life lived outside of Him; and to reveal the freedom-giving truth of this reality to others. All the while, aware that the great deceiver is actively working to get us to believe a false reality, to deny who we really are.

“Our expectations are always fallacies, attempts to control reality and manipulate mystery... Our expectations are our greatest obstacle to union with God in the present moment.” Brennan Manning, Lion and Lamb

Reality is such a slippery subject, it’s difficult to grasp. When you think you have a handle on it, your experience can rise up to bite you, and the lies can creep back in, redefining your expectations and telling you that what you believe is not really true at all.

As a believer though, there are some immutable truths which define my reality. However, these truths are not always ‘seen’. For example, I know that Jesus heals, that I, through Jesus victory on the Cross, have the power to heal, but I personally have never SEEN anyone healed through my prayers. Does my experience deny the truth of the healing power of Jesus in me? No.

We also believe in Heaven, the paradise of Eden where we can walk as Adam did with God in the cool of the evening. I haven’t seen it, yet I believe it is real. In fact, I am seated with Christ in heavenly places right now! It’s a reality I simply haven’t seen. Yet.

We believe our sins are forgiven. If we don’t, we’ve missed the whole point of the Gospel! Yet, though we are forgiven, many of us live on a tightrope, expecting to fall from grace if we sin again. Perhaps the problem is believing a Gospel that is SUCH good news - one in which His grace is more than sufficient for all our sins, past present or future.

We believe that God is good. All the time. The entire Bible, culminating in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, reveals the heart of a loving Father, prepared to do anything to be reconciled with his beloved sons and daughters. And yet our daily experience of life lived in a broken world, with all its pain and suffering, might seem to provide evidence to the contrary.

Another truth, though is that just because we see something, it doesn’t mean it’s real. By the same token, the things we don’t see aren’t necessarily unreal. The Bible tells us that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1) Faith says ‘I’ll see it when I believe it’, doubt says ‘I’ll believe it when I see it’. There is NO room in faith for doubt: faith + doubt = unbelief.

“If you want to see things you have never seen before, you must be prepared to do things you have never done before!” Graham Cooke

Albert Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again whilst expecting different results. Using this definition, the world might classify faith as insanity - just because to date I may have seen the same result in response to my prayers for healing, provision or change, I still expect a different result - our victory and His glory.

Equally, are we prepared to do something different, to respond to circumstances in a way that is contrary to the world, to step out into the ‘unknown’ and the ‘unnatural’ in obedience to Papa’s prompting, in order to see His Kingdom come and will be done? Even when we do find enough courage to step out, do we always see His power manifest in our lives? In my own experience, I can’t honestly answer ‘yes’. Does that mean I stop expecting to see it? Despite my own experience, I can honestly answer ‘no’.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

For most of us the ‘reality’ of our daily lives consumes our thoughts: we agonise over hands without work, stomachs without food, bank accounts without funds, retirement without a pension, a home without enough room, or no home at all, (add your own here). The brokenness is real. I’m not denying that we live in a world where we experience pain, loss and hardship, or suggesting that we do not have compassion for those whose suffering is all too real, but I am convinced that there is another reality in which we, and they, can experience joy, peace and freedom.

Often too, the colour of the grass that others feed upon seems so much greener than our own, and this presents us with another illusion - that our lives would be so much better if only we could have what they have: their house, their family, their friends, their job or even their husband or wife. But, as John Eldredge in Wild at Heart puts it so well, “The answer doesn’t lie in the arms of another woman” (man, house, job, money, etc.).

"However tempting the flight into unreality may be, there is no comfort in it." Mary Craig, Blessings

So how do we live in the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven, when we dwell in  the brokenness of this world, when we live with the temptations of the flesh and when we find ourselves in dire need? It is here that we learn, perhaps,
why the poor, those with literally nothing, choose to put their trust in God - because there is nothing else. And the reality is that there really was nothing else in the first place!

I have heard it said, and have probably been guilty of it myself, that some people are too heavenly minded to be any earthly good. But doesn’t the Bible tell us to set our minds on things above, to seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be added to us?

“We only believe what we can see, so I make sure I'm looking at the unseen.” Seth Dahl, Bethel Church

We are also invited to share in the sufferings of Christ, to love in spite of sin, rejection, torture, alienation, misunderstanding and betrayal, as Jesus did when He went to the Cross. To suffer for the sake of Love is God's strategy for overcoming evil - not to resist evil, but to overcome it by surrendering to it in love and obedience. Love moves forward to face evil not to fight it, finding victory not necessarily in immediate, tangible results, but in the transformation of the world around us.

“Because you are identified in the Name of Jesus Christ, you can afford to always overflow in gratitude to the Father, (not for everything that happens to you but) in spite of everything that happens to you; you are not under circumstances but above circumstances because you are in Him!”
 Ephesians 5:20, (Mirror Translation)

In the upside-down, back-to-front, Kingdom of Heaven, to surrender is victory. God brings good out of evil - even greater good than if there had been no evil - and the trial will have been an immense good for us. When circumstances would seem to indicate the opposite of His promises that we can ask for anything in Jesus name and it will be given to us, if we choose to trust in God and His love for us, He can and does bring good out of any situation.

“No matter what the circumstances are on the outside, I live with the inner revelation that Christ is always with me. He knows me, He holds me and He loves me.” Mick Mooney, Phillipians

In every circumstance. we are faced with a choice: to either let our reality be determined by what we see, or by what we believe. Either to let our experience determine our beliefs, or to let our what we believe determine our experience. In choosing to accept the reality of who God is and who we are in Him, despite our circumstances, we align our expectations with Heaven, rather than the world. Only then will we see and experience the reality of the Kingdom in which we live and breathe and have our being.

“Losing our illusions is painful because illusions are the stuff we live by. The Spirit is the great unmasker of illusions... God strips those falsehoods from us no matter how naked it may make us, because it it better to live naked in truth than be clothed in fantasy.” Brennan Manning, Lion and Lamb

To live in the truth of the reality of who we are in Christ, sets us free from the illusion of the safety net we build for ourselves and the pain we experience when that illusion is unmasked, when that safety net fails. To live in the light of the truth of our adoption and in the fullness of our inheritance as sons and daughters of the Living God, in spite of our circumstances or experience, exposes us to the reality of Heaven on this earth. If we stand on this truth, hold to this truth, embrace this truth, believe this truth, I believe we really will see.

"Jesus was matter-of-fact: Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything.” Mark 11:22-25 (The Message)

I cannot deny the reality of pain, suffering or hunger, any more than I can deny that gravity keeps my feet on the ground, but to deny that some things are impossible for God, that somehow my problems are too big or difficult for Him to handle, or that I am just not important enough to warrant His divine intervention into my life, is to deny the sufficiency, power and love of God in Jesus to meet all our needs according to His riches in glory.

It is at the Cross that the stark reality of brokenness, loneliness, hunger and pain is met with the sweet reality of love, healing, provision and compassion. The Cross is where we died with Him and, through His resurrection, have risen to new life in Christ. Such a life, lived to God, in this broken world but not of it, is a journey of discovery in which, as much as I may have seen or experienced thus far, there will always be much more of Him than I have ever known or experienced. And so I simply cling to the Cross, pursue His presence in intimate relationship with Papa and let Him define my reality.

Mike x

We're dead!

 

Just over 2000 years ago we died. Nailed to the cross in perfect union with Jesus, we died a full, one-time-only death. The nails that went through His hands and feet pierced our hands and feet. He became our sin. He took our broken, fallen, depraved, futile life and an incredible exchange took place. We went into the grave with Him, we were crucified with Jesus and yet He was the one who felt the pain and anguish of our sin and brokenness. We were given a pain-free death in return for the most amazing new life. He became our sickness so we could be healthy, He became our lack so we could live in abundance, He became our depression so we could be happy, He became our sin so we could be perfect.

This is the most awesome news that we could ever be given. It is stunning, it is almost too good to be true. It blows every grid of thought and when you begin to grasp it's truth, it changes everything!

Not only did we die with Jesus, but we were also resurrected into new life with him. We came out of the grave with Him completely transformed. We were resurrected into 'kainos' life - this is a Greek word used in the New Testament when describing this new life. It means "new as to form or quality, of a different nature from what is contrasted as old". This kainos life is not an improved version of the old, but a completely new version altogether. It is superior to what existed before and actually takes the place of the old. This is the new life we were born into when we came out of the grave in perfect union with Jesus.

The Distilled Bible says:

"I consider myself having died and now I am enjoying a second existence which is simply Jesus using my body."  Galatians 2:20

The Mirror Bible puts it this way:

"My co-crucifixion with Christ is valid! I am not making this up; in His death I died to the old system of trying to please God with my own good behaviour! God makes me alive together with Christ. The terms co-crucified and co-alive defines me now. Christ in me and I in Him." Galatians 2:19-20

We have been totally set free from the law of trying to please God, of trying to be free from sin, of trying to do better. We have been given an entirely new life which is abundant in every possible way. He has done it ALL. Everything to do with our old life has been eradicated and we now live a new life where Jesus has taken full possession. We do not need to work out our salvation by trying to be better, it is a done deal, once, total, finished. We are now free to enjoy a life of co-reigning, seated in heaven and feasting on it's glory. All the joy, completeness, peace, life and fulfillment of Jesus is ours. We have become the fourth member of the Trinity merged into Jesus, represented by Jesus and we appear spotless and perfect before our Papa.

Anything we now offer based on the law of self works, of trying to please God, of trying to do better or be better are futile. We are only seen through the perfect, finished works of the Cross - this is pure grace, pure gift. 'Me' no longer has a role because it has become all about what He has done.

Francois du Toit, in his book God Believes in You, says:

“The cross is a success! God is fully persuaded about us, he does not need any further proof; His concern now, is to persuade us about ourselves.”

Jesus believes in our innocence. He really sees us as perfect in every way. We are the ones who need convincing of this truth! Imagine the possibilities that would open up if we really did believe this, if we saw ourselves though this lens of this truth. We are now fully alive to God, in union with Jesus. We are dead to the old life and have been gifted with brand spanking new kainos life!

"For by the death He died, He died to sin [ending His relation to it] once for all; and the life that He lives, He is living to God [in unbroken fellowship with Him]. Even so consider yourselves also dead to sin and your relation to it broken, but alive to God [living in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus." Romans 6:10-11 (AMP)

Nicky x

You can't improve on perfect!

What makes Jesus death so special? It’s not simply the fact that He laid His life down for us; men have been laying their lives down for their friends on battlefields around the world for centuries. It’s not even the fact that He rose again; God has been giving life to the dead for centuries too. No, it’s the fact that He is perfect; and only the perfect sacrifice of the Son was enough to pay for the sin of the world and open the way for us to be with Him, to bring us back to Him, for His delight and pleasure.

I was meditating on Isaiah 40:11 recently where it tells us “He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.” As I did so I had a picture of being in Jesus arms as He carried me into the presence of the Father. Then, as I stood before God, I was the one carrying  Jesus, the pure spotless lamb. My offering was His perfect sacrifice, the only sacrifice that’s acceptable and pleasing to Him.

Genesis 4 tells us the story of Cain and Abel, and God’s response to their respective offerings. “In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. And Abel also brought an offering – fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favour on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favour.”

  

Abel’s offering was a shadow of the firstborn lamb, a picture of Jesus’ sacrifice, and God was pleased with it. Cain’s offering was of the work of his hands; by his own efforts he tried to please God, but God would not even look upon it. And so it is for us; Jesus is the only sacrifice which is acceptable to God. In fact. He will not even look at our own efforts – whatever we do, we can in no way add to the salvation we have in Jesus.

This got me thinking too, about Psalm 24 where it says “Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart.” I figure Cain’s hands would have been dirty as he worked the soil in his effort to produce an offering for God. Yet for all his endeavors, his offering was not acceptable.

It’s the same for us. Only the perfect sacrifice of Jesus is pleasing and acceptable to God. Only when we stand before Him with the pure spotless lamb as our offering does He look upon us with favour. The wonderfully GOOD news is that Jesus has done it all, ‘it if finished’. We have clean hands and a pure heart, sprinkled with His precious blood and made new in every way, so we can stand in the holy place of His presence, where Papa want’s us.

Anything else just makes our hands dirty!

“From eternity, the Father placed the responsibility of making us holy and blameless, and of bringing us before Him, into the hands of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 

C. Baxter Kruger

Mike x

In Him we live and move and have our being.

I walk up to where He sits, bathed in glorious light that radiates a thousand different colours which hide His frame. The nearer I get to the throne, the more my heart is consumed in love, fountains of overflowing love, a love that has been towards me for eternity's past and envelops me in completeness. He reaches arms out to me and pulls me up onto His lap. Papa. My Papa. He holds me close and I burrow my head into his neck and breathe deep long breaths aware of nothing but this moment. We stay awhile in this place, there is no other thought in me but Him, and He keeps pouring His heart into mine as if we are blending, in mystical union, I am caught up in the Trinity, three become four in this dance of love.

I then become aware of a tugging, a pull. I am being drawn in even deeper, I am being pulled into His very being. There is a tunnel of darkness and then I am released into vast galaxies. I float as if in space and yet this is different. I know I am inside the Father, I have been drawn into the depths of Him. I have no control over my body, I am carried along by his very heartbeat. Even the space is filled with love. Love is everywhere, in everything. As his heart beats, colours pulsate all around, they explode and then diminish and no sooner does one beat end than another starts. The rhythm is so constant, so reassuring and I realise that this rhythm holds every planet, every ocean, every part of humanity in its place. I know that within this vast expanse of my Papa is every kingdom and nation, every created being, everything to which he has given breath. Each one perfectly and wholly known and loved with immeasurable, wild, intoxicating love. Not one is out of His thoughts or vision.

The love within Him is too powerful to describe, too expansive to contain and yet all are contained easily within. Within these vast oceans of His being are clusters of incredible light and colour, alive with glory, all shapes and sizes and dimensions. I am pulled into brilliant white and held within this comet of love. I am shot out to be consumed by a massive sphere of brilliant orange burning with fire. Jealous fire burns around me and yet I am unharmed. Next a whole ocean of milky blue, translucent, moving like tides. I enter and know a peace I have never experienced before. I feel like I am exploring facets of my Papa's heart and personality and this process is transforming me. I know I belong here and, even better, I know I never have to leave. I know too that there are many more contained within Him. It’s here that we live and move and have our being. All things flow from this place of perfection. It’s here that we are held together. It’s here that our days are written before one of them comes into existence. There is no place for fear here, only the perfect, safe wonderful love of the Father. He is in control, He does it all, He directs the course of my life and each one of my days.

"Papa, I don't want to leave this place".

"Beloved, you don't have to".

Nicky xxx

John 14:20
Acts 17:24-28

The three R's

When we first meet them on our travels, many people ask us “What’s your journey all about?” or words to that effect.

At first, we would just look at each other and reply with something along the lines of “We’re on a pilgrimage.”

That sort of sums it up but it’s pretty unhelpful huh?!

Two months in to our trip, it feels like things are becoming a little clearer. It’s not that our desires have changed - we are still passionate about His Presence, we still simply want to follow the leadings of Holy Spirit, we still yearn to encounter Jesus face to face - but God’s plans for us on this journey are slowly becoming apparent.

Rest

“What? More rest!” I can almost hear you exclaim. “But you haven’t worked for the past three years!”

That’s true, but it’s not that kind of rest we are discovering, and besides the response we would get during those three years when we went to Papa to ask if I should get a job was always a resounding “No!”

Anyway, I digress.

No, the rest we are learning is the rest that comes only in a place where we totally trust Him. You see, trust with any hint of doubt, any drop of anxiety, any shadow of fear is not really trust at all.

If we say we trust God, but harbour doubts about His goodness or ours for that matter; or worry about having nothing in the bank account or even our pockets; or are scared by the thought of not knowing what comes tomorrow, let alone next month or next year, is that really trusting?

It is only when we come to that place where our trust is absolute, or ‘ruthless’ as Brennan Manning would have it, that we truly find rest. That’s the place where we are learning to abide. It’s not that we’re there every minute of every day, but it’s the place we keep coming back to, the place where He keeps gently leading us.

Reticulated

For the past few years I have had the joy of God using words to speak to me in my dreams. I’ve rarely heard of the words He gives me, if at all, and I never, ever know what they mean! In fact, I always have to look them up in a dictionary before I know what He’s saying. Cool huh?

So, the day before we boarded the plane to Canada, I had a dream. And I had a new word. Reticulated. And here’s what I found when I looked it up on-line:

re·tic·u·late
1. netted; covered with a network.
2. netlike.
3. having veins or nerves disposed like the threads of a net, or a leaf.
4. to form into a network.
to cover or mark with a network.

It seems God was telling us He was weaving us into a network, plugging us in, getting us connected. And it was only a matter of minutes before He started doing just that. Well actually, as it turns out, He started doing it 20 years ago!

Back then, a couple came from California with a group to visit a church in London, where they met Nic. To cut a long story short, Nic ended up visiting this couple later that year at their home in California.

Cut back to the day I had the dream, and that same morning Nic had been listening to a Bill Johnson podcast whilst out on her run. Bill Johnson is the pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, California, the destination at the very top of our list of places to visit on our trip.

Now you have to know that Bill never mentions names in his talks. But this morning, what does he do? He mentions the name of a couple who have been attending the church for over 50 years. Yup, you guessed it! It was the very same couple who Nic had met all those years ago.

I know, this was supposed to be the short version of the story, sorry!

Anyway, we find them on Facebook, they are delighted to hear from us and now we are going to be staying with them when we visit Bethel Church in September. But that’s not all, because it turns out that they are connected right into the heart of the church, to Bill himself - they are in fact his in-laws! How cool is that?!

And this is a story that has repeated itself over again on our journey. We are being reticulated, plugged in to a network, connected in at the very heart.

Retro Specs

Another night. Another dream.

And this time it wasn’t a new word I was given, but a new take on an old one.

In the dream, I was given a pair of glasses, or ‘retro-specs’ as the person giving them to me called them, and was told to put them on.

God was telling us that we might not be able to see or understand the real purpose for our trip while we are still journeying, but that in ‘retro-specs’ (retrospect) as we look back all will become clear.

So now, when we are asked what our journey is all about, we can respond with a little more certainty. We can tell them it’s about trusting, that we are being connected into a network, and that all will become clear when we look back in weeks, months or even years from now.

A journey of ruthless trust

Mrs P with Robert & Susan Young and some of their delightful family

So... we arrived in Harrisburg PA, to stay with more new friends in John & Magy Comeaux and their wonderful family, in expectation of  encountering Jesus at the Zoe conference at Life Center. Apart from a night with food poisoning from a good ol' American diner, our expectations were met and more besides. Georgian & Winnie Banov were hosting the event, with Benjamin & Stephanie Dunn, and teaching us the gospel according to Paul! This is a message we've been ravenously devouring for the past couple of years, and it's a very different gospel to the one we've heard for most of our Christian lives! It was so good to hear it again from such joy-filled people who are truly living in the fullness of life that the gospel promises. This pure, non-religious, non-churched message is so incredibly liberating and life giving. It is simple and completely effortless, and awakens the senses to such joy, peace and intoxication – far too good to be true! We recommend reading the Happy Gospel by Benjamin Dunn, or listening to his podcasts on www.joyrevolution.com to find out more :)

At Radnor Lake, Franklin, TN we saw this and many other deer,

including the cutest little fawn with its mother - wonderful!

We enjoyed Life Center church on Sunday morning, including lights and smoke machines during worship – great fun! Then on Monday we drove 13 hours through beautiful countryside to be re-united with our long-term and special friends Chris & Laura Dupre in Franklin, TN. How wonderful to be with them again. We've enjoyed hanging here with them for a couple of weeks, during which Mike has also made the long trip to Texas and back, to visit his friend Blain, who he first met at a Wild at Heart Boot Camp in Colorado a couple of years ago. He had a great time and we hope to visit there together before the end of our trip.

Blain & Doris Eubank's ranch, Canadian, Texas

On Tuesday this week we head off again, to North Carolina, staying with friends Chris & Amy that we met in Harrisburg, and for a few days at Amy's mother's lodge at Moravian Falls, on the mountain renowned for its angelic activity!  From there we go back to Stroudsburg, PA to be with Robert & Susan again, and hang out at The Alabaster Box, before driving to Toronto to begin a 3 week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch the Fire.

 The Alabaster Box on Main in Stroudsburg, PA

(For the 80's music lovers among you,
notice The Blue Oyster Cult playing at the theatre next door!!)

Our trip continues to be a journey of ruthless trust, which at times is proving very uncomfortable. We are challenged daily to act as if the Bible is really true – well duh, of course it's true we hear you say! But I realise how many times I have read Matthew 6, where I am commanded not to worry, that all my needs will be taken care of, only to find myself anxious that there will not be enough; or that though Jesus healed every sickness on the cross, I am battling illness; or that I have been given life in all its fullness and through the cross have been given joy in every circumstance, only to find that I am feeling blue and life-less. We feel such a hunger to believe all that the Bible says and all that Jesus has freely given, and we know we need to be ruthless in this belief.


The other day I decided to change my watch from my left wrist to my right – it felt alien and strange, and I kept looking at my empty wrist to tell the time! Well, this journey feels a little like that – it's a huge renewing of the mind, transforming us to believe the true gospel, the gospel Paul preached, and to live as he did. It feels uncomfortable, odd, but in time, as we keep believing and acting as if the Bible is absolutely true, it starts to feel natural. Out of habit I'm still putting my watch on my left wrist, only to realise what I've done half way through the day, and I still don't really like how it feels on the other wrist, but if I stick with it, it will feel like its always been there.


I think about changing my watch over, and feel like it was a prophetic act of something God is wanting to do with all of us. He is bringing so many out of the grip of religious, 'churchianity' and leading us to drink in the 'bliss of realisation' of the true gospel. He is bringing more and more into amazing encounters with Him and His Kingdom. He is opening eyes to heaven and all that it contains. There is a generation emerging of wild lovers who are not concerned with the worlds ways, but only His. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable, but I am convinced it is His invitation which is being extended to all. Through the cross we are in union with Jesus, merged with Him. We areh in Him, He is in us. Heaven is in Him, and so we are in Heaven. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20). As we believe this incredible truth, things dramatically change, we get drunk on the grace of His love and all things become possible. This is how I want to live even when, like today, it feels uncomfortable and my faith is blind.


We still don't know where this American odyssey is leading, but we do believe Papa is right here in the midst of it, guiding our steps, providing for our needs and increasing our joy every day. We miss friends and family and are so grateful for those that journey with us in spirit. We are convinced that there is more for all of us than we could ever dream possible, and if we only believe, that we will live lives beyond all imagining.

Much love.

Nicky xxx

The journey so far...

St Stephen, New Brunswick

We are sitting on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers writing this blog. You don't feel like doing much else in the 90 degree heat, though we did punish ourselves with a run this morning. I don't think we've ever sweated so much before! We can't complain though, as our trip started very differently...

...after a wonderful few days in Germany, where we met and made some precious new friends, and encountered God in amazing ways, we spent a few days back in London, before catching a flight to North America, where we will be until the end of October (at least!!). We drove from Toronto to be with our friends Jeremy and Rachael Barham in St Stephen, New Brunswick – that much we knew when we left the UK, beyond here though, things were very sketchy!

After two wet and cold weeks in St Stephen, where we were thoroughly spoiled by Jeremy and Rachael, we did intend to head West across to the other side of Canada, the second largest country in the world, though it has to be said, neither of us were relishing the thought of driving over 1,000 miles a week across to Vancouver and back again! This had been our plan as we understood that we could only enter the USA for a period of 90 days before we would have to return to the UK. St Stephen is a border town and a discussion with a local border guard (a Top Gear fan!) soon put us straight.

In fact, we are able to enter the USA for a number of 90 day periods, we just have to leave the USA before the end of each period, before returning again for another 90 days. So, two stamps in our passports and several Top Gear stories later, we were free to enter the United States, which we could see so tantalisingly close across the river running through St Stephen. So we were less than two weeks into our trip and already our plans had changed!

Ben & Jerry's, Waterbury, Vermont

We bid farewell to the Barhams and headed across Maine to Montreal (yes, we know it's in Canada) to stay for a few days with the leaders of the Vineyard church there. We spent two days exploring the city and meeting some lovely people from the church, before crossing the border once again into Vermont. We wound our way through beautiful countryside towards Boston, stopping at Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory for a tour and to sample their latest flavour – which included clusters of chocolate covered, salted potato crisps. Bizarre!

Walking the Freedon Trail in Boston

We loved the relaxed atmosphere, friendly people and architecture of Boston, where we walked the Freedom Trail and visited Harvard University. Then we followed the One down the east coast to New York, stopping for a picnic lunch on Charlestown's delightful sandy beach. Some more new friends put us up in their upper west side Manhattan apartment, giving us the opportunity to explore the crazy city that is the Big Apple. Our aching legs, the island's subway and the famous ferry carried us to Staten Island, The High Line, Times Square, Central Park, Chelsea, Soho, The World Trade Center (where rebuilding is well underway) and many of the cities Starbucks!

Times Square is an assualt on your senses

As much as we enjoyed the sights, we were pleased to leave the tourist trail behind as we headed west into Pennsylvania, to spend a few days with even more new friends in Stroundsburg, enjoying the peace and abundant wildlife as we sit on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers. We love it here with Robert and Susan Young and their family, the pioneers of The Alabaster Box – a house of prayer, worship and creative arts, that is reaching out the community from its base on Main St. See http://www.alabasterboxworship.com/ for more!

So, where do we go from here? Well, next we're off to Harrisburg, for a Zoe Conference hosted by Georgian & Winnie Banov and Ben & Stephanie Dunn, at The Life Center http://www.lcmi.org/, which we are really looking forward to. After that, we travel to Franklin, Tennessee to be with our friends Chris & Laura, who we are very excited to be seeing again. Beyond that, we're attending the three week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch The Fire in Toronto in July http://www.ctftoronto.com/. And after that? God only knows!

That's our physical journey so far, but what has our spiritual journey looked like? We believe that the connections we are making with people are significant ones, though quite why may not be immediately apparent. It's also a continuing journey of trust, not just for His provision for us, but that we are in His will, even though things don't always look as we expect. We also believe that in Retro Specs, we will see His hand and purposes clearly.

That's all for now folks. We won't wait so long before we write the next one!

Much love,

Mike & Nicky xxx

On the eve of departure

It's the eve of our departure to Canada, the day we thought would never come. Bags packed (travelling light amazingly!), tickets booked, old friends waiting, new friends to be made. It is another step along the unknown path. This journey of daily trust, daily surrender, leaning on Jesus. Only He knows what lies ahead and the treasures He has waiting for us to find. My heart is settled having come through a wobble when the house actually sold and I feel ready for the next step in this adventure. Papa has shown Himself faithful over and over and He will not divert from His promises. He will remain true to His word and faithful to His plans.

Already the journey is unexpected. We were in Germany last week – a last minute invitation to get involved with a conference in Duisburg near Dussledorf. We had the time of our lives. The conference was wild - a riot of Holy Spirit drunkenness and masses of fun! The cloud of His presence was strong and many were touched deeply. Salvations and healings broke out on the streets as the glory of heaven invaded and many were hijacked by love. We met incredible people – amazing that on Monday you don't know someone and by Friday you love them! Papa met with us too with deeper revelation of His love, with words of encouragement for what is to come, through prophecy. Truly loved up by the God who loves like no other.

I had a vision of Jesus the lion standing in front of me roaring and as He did my skin was blown off – shedding the old to reveal the new. The next day we found ourselves called to the front with a handful of other couples receiving a word about our old mantles being taken off and new ones being put on. We were not to look back but to live in the new. Great preparation at the start of this new adventure :) We fell in love with Germany – the place and the people and we hope to return.

Next step Canada for 3 months and then into America in August. Not what we had planned. Again I discover that my plans and expectations need a constant willingness to surrender to His and I love it. I have a fierce hunger growing in me to be resolute in my trust, resolute with my gaze, to have nothing but Jesus and to follow no-one but Him. I am more aware than ever that just a little leaven affects the whole loaf. I either trust wholly or I am not trusting. It may look ridiculous to the world and even to the church it could appear utterly foolish, but I don't care! For this is the path I choose and I want to walk further along it. I want to get completely lost on it, go so deep that I don't find my way back to normal or comfortable.

I know this is His path and we are all invited onto it whether we are travelling, working or raising children. This unknown path is beyond beautiful. It is fragranced with heaven itself , it is lined with angelic presence, it is made of the colours of the Kingdom and there are daily treasures to be found. Joy is common on this path – a joy that pervades any circumstance and can laugh in any adversity. And those that travel it are true companions – those that love deeply and wildly and cheer you along at every step!

So bring it on! Deeper I am pulled into the heart of love. Not a work of my own doing, but of grace. The grace to trust, the grace to lean, the grace that calls me His. We have no idea what is to come but we go willingly and excitedly because He is good and totally trustworthy.

Nicky xxx

And so it begins...

So, the house has sold, our possessions are scattered to the four corners of Devon, and we have finally set out on this magical mystery tour with nothing but our suitcases and a burning desire to follow Him. “Where are we going?”, “Why are we going?” and “What are we hoping to find when we 'get there'?” are all questions we have asked ourselves, almost as many times as we ourselves have been asked.

Well, there's no mystery in the first answer, at least not for now – after short trips to Scotland and Germany, we will be heading off in May to North America for six months or so. What comes after that, we're hoping will become clearer nearer the time! As to why we are going and what we're hoping to find, I could tell you we're on a pilgrimage, which we are, but perhaps it would be best to illustrate what I mean using Exodus 33 which continues to have real significance for us.

v.8 “And whenever Moses went out to the tent (of meeting with the Lord), all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent.”

We have a real sense that we too are being 'watched', that this journey isn't just for us, but somehow it's also for those watching on. We really appreciate the love, support and encouragement we've received from every one of you, and believe that, although we are the ones doing the travelling, you are very much with us.

v.11 “The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.”

John 15:15 tells us that “I no longer call you servants ... Instead I have called you friends...”. Now I cannot claim to have spoken face-to-face with God as Moses did (yet), but I am His friend – He has chosen me, and He desires my company and companionship as much as I desire His. Relationship with God is what Jesus died for, and relationship with Him is what we live for. (Romans 6:10)

v.13 “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favour with you.”

In the intimacy of relationship with Him we want to know Him - not simply to know about Him, but to understand His nature, to discern His heart, to know His will, to experience the friendship of one who is closer than a brother, and live in the favour of His unceasing love. Teaching in this context is not about sitting in a classroom or reading books, but spending time with Him, learning by living in His Presence so that, just as Jesus did, we can do what we see Him doing. (John 6:19)

v.14 “The Lord replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.'” (TLB)

God is coming with us! I believe His promise to Moses is as relevant for us today as it was for Moses then. This promise of His Presence provides such relief, such confidence, such hope in the rest that comes with trusting Him completely, absolutely, entirely. If our journey thus far has been about anything, it has been about learning to trust Him, whatever each day may bring. (Psalm 91)

v.15-16 “Then Moses said to him, 'If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?.'”

This is our prayer too. We want to remain in His Presence, to be led by the Holy Spirit each and every day. We recognise that this will not always look like we are making obvious or even sensible choices, but we want to be enslaved, willingly, to His will, and free from having to conform to the world. Our desire is that we might have ears to hear Him and the strength and courage that accrues with the knowledge of His abiding Presence. (Joshua 1:9)

v.18 “Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.'”

Most of us, perhaps, would be satisfied with God's promise of friendship, favour and rest - and these are indeed wonderful things. For Moses, however, that was not enough. What Moses sought, what we are seeking is an encounter with God, to see Him in all His glory. King Saul, having been anointed by Samuel, had such an encounter with God:

1 Samuel 10:6-7 “The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you … and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.”

It is our deepest desire to experience such an encounter ourselves – a spirit-empowering, life-changing encounter with the Living God. We are in pursuit of the promise that Jesus himself gives us in John 14:21. Following his encounter, Saul was released into his destiny, and it is our destiny, our assignment that we long to be revealed and empowered to fulfil.

v.19 “And the LORD said, 'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence.'”

When God reveals Himself to Moses, it is in the glory of His goodness. It's our desire that His goodness is revealed in and through our own lives, to His everlasting glory. My heart has long held a passion to make a difference, a real and lasting difference in the world and in the lives of His beloved children, be they lost or found. I can't do this by my own might or power, but only by the Holy Spirit in me. (John 15:16)

After his encounter with God, Moses obeys His command to chisel out two more stone tablets to replace the ones he had broken, then to present himself before God on Mount Sinai. Here God makes a covenant with him:

Exodus 34:10 “Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you.”

This promise is our inheritance too, but now it's through us that he chooses to reveal signs and wonders that point to the one true and living God; miracles that make a real and lasting difference to people's lives; and awesome works that reveal His compassion, love and faithfulness in all the nations of the world. The kingdom of God is at hand - and we long for it to be revealed here on earth in our lives. (John 14:12-14)

Watch this space...

Mike