Step by step

I'm not enjoying this part of the journey. With Christmas around the corner, I want to be in the home I don't have, decorating a tree with the children I don't have, listening to Christmas carols and getting excited about the season. I want to have been able to do Christmas shopping and wrap gifts for friends and family. I miss being part of a community. Instead we leave for London tomorrow, stepping out in faith believing it's what Holy Spirit is leading us to do. We hope 'against all human odds' for tickets to take us to Sri Lanka in time for Christmas, but only He knows where this step will lead us. My heart aches and I feel the cost of the narrow path again.

Yet, I always come back to love, hanging upon a tree, and to the fact that I am a new creation, that I have been given a new life and that I am loved beyond all measure. In His incredible love and divine wisdom, this is the best path for me, right now, today, and that here on this path there is treasure in the darkness. This part of the journey, even the pain, is transforming me and preparing me for what is ahead. I need to yield to this, to be on this step because this step leads to the next one and is vital. I trust my Beloved Jesus, I know Him to be wholly good and overflowing with loving kindness towards me, so I know that this momentary affliction will pass, will do it's work and the darkness will turn to light again.

“We seldom get to choose our circumstances, but we always get to choose our responses. Men and women of God understand that nothing is coincidental, they take advantage of everything in order to discover God and find themselves.”

Graham Cooke

I am also comforted in remembering that life on earth is just a whisper of time compared to an eternity of living every day in heaven, face to face with Him. I only have one opportunity here on earth to choose Him, to yield even when it hurts and to say yes. I know that all loss will be great gain whether in this world or in Heaven. I also know that I am storing up a weight of glory in these circumstances for eternity.
 

"For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison." 

2 Corinthians 4:17 NASB

If your path is dark and stormy, take heart that 'this too shall pass', that He is with you in it and using every circumstance to produce a greater weight of glory for you. He is already leading you to the next step, which will be different to this one. He already has victory in mind. He keeps you close to his heart and He knows and sees the end from the beginning. He sees the full picture and knows that it is good. Remember His kindness, be confident in His love, keep going and expect good things. 

"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. That Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." 

Ephesians 3:17-20. NLT

Feeling the pinch

Pummelled, crushed, squeezed on this narrow narrow path. Tears, pain and discomfort. This dark unknown. Walking, stumbling, trusting, blindly moving forward holding the hand of love and breathing in the aroma of heaven. Wrecked by love  even here in this dark place. He is worth every breath, every tear, every cold, damp night, every inconvenience, every discomfort. He is worth it all, even when it hurts and the way ahead seems totally blocked. My soul feels bruised and circumstances are testing yet my Spirit yields in the knowledge that His ways are wise and good and He is holding a banner of love above my head.

You are worth it Jesus. My devotion is on you. All that I am is turned towards you. In this place where I feel naked and exposed and there is nothing to hide behind, no other comfort. I remember that you really are enough. That i am clothed in you, hidden in the Father, safe.

You really are all I want. You are enough Jesus, you ARE enough. I trust you. I know that you love me and I am convinced of your goodness even in the storm. There is no other my heart desires, there is no other lover for me besides you. I don't know how long this battering storm will go on but I shout to the skies, I shout as loudly as I can that you are worth it and my heart belongs to no other. I run this race and I cannot turn around for this path is too narrow for turning.

Heaven is my home, heaven is where I dwell. Earth is a fleeting moment where pain and suffering is real but even now with my feet in the natural, I abide in the heavenly realms, pulled in by their wild gravity. This is the place where I find rest and sink into Shalom. I know I am found by you. I know your thoughts reach me, I know you are with me here in this dark place. I sing for joy for this is the path you have chosen for me and I walk it gladly trusting in your wisdom and your kindness. You will not fail me. You will not let me down. I surrender. I am yours. I praise, worship and adore you. Abba, Papa, friend, IN you.

Nicky xxx