In Him we live and move and have our being.

I walk up to where He sits, bathed in glorious light that radiates a thousand different colours which hide His frame. The nearer I get to the throne, the more my heart is consumed in love, fountains of overflowing love, a love that has been towards me for eternity's past and envelops me in completeness. He reaches arms out to me and pulls me up onto His lap. Papa. My Papa. He holds me close and I burrow my head into his neck and breathe deep long breaths aware of nothing but this moment. We stay awhile in this place, there is no other thought in me but Him, and He keeps pouring His heart into mine as if we are blending, in mystical union, I am caught up in the Trinity, three become four in this dance of love.

I then become aware of a tugging, a pull. I am being drawn in even deeper, I am being pulled into His very being. There is a tunnel of darkness and then I am released into vast galaxies. I float as if in space and yet this is different. I know I am inside the Father, I have been drawn into the depths of Him. I have no control over my body, I am carried along by his very heartbeat. Even the space is filled with love. Love is everywhere, in everything. As his heart beats, colours pulsate all around, they explode and then diminish and no sooner does one beat end than another starts. The rhythm is so constant, so reassuring and I realise that this rhythm holds every planet, every ocean, every part of humanity in its place. I know that within this vast expanse of my Papa is every kingdom and nation, every created being, everything to which he has given breath. Each one perfectly and wholly known and loved with immeasurable, wild, intoxicating love. Not one is out of His thoughts or vision.

The love within Him is too powerful to describe, too expansive to contain and yet all are contained easily within. Within these vast oceans of His being are clusters of incredible light and colour, alive with glory, all shapes and sizes and dimensions. I am pulled into brilliant white and held within this comet of love. I am shot out to be consumed by a massive sphere of brilliant orange burning with fire. Jealous fire burns around me and yet I am unharmed. Next a whole ocean of milky blue, translucent, moving like tides. I enter and know a peace I have never experienced before. I feel like I am exploring facets of my Papa's heart and personality and this process is transforming me. I know I belong here and, even better, I know I never have to leave. I know too that there are many more contained within Him. It’s here that we live and move and have our being. All things flow from this place of perfection. It’s here that we are held together. It’s here that our days are written before one of them comes into existence. There is no place for fear here, only the perfect, safe wonderful love of the Father. He is in control, He does it all, He directs the course of my life and each one of my days.

"Papa, I don't want to leave this place".

"Beloved, you don't have to".

Nicky xxx

John 14:20
Acts 17:24-28

The three R's

When we first meet them on our travels, many people ask us “What’s your journey all about?” or words to that effect.

At first, we would just look at each other and reply with something along the lines of “We’re on a pilgrimage.”

That sort of sums it up but it’s pretty unhelpful huh?!

Two months in to our trip, it feels like things are becoming a little clearer. It’s not that our desires have changed - we are still passionate about His Presence, we still simply want to follow the leadings of Holy Spirit, we still yearn to encounter Jesus face to face - but God’s plans for us on this journey are slowly becoming apparent.

Rest

“What? More rest!” I can almost hear you exclaim. “But you haven’t worked for the past three years!”

That’s true, but it’s not that kind of rest we are discovering, and besides the response we would get during those three years when we went to Papa to ask if I should get a job was always a resounding “No!”

Anyway, I digress.

No, the rest we are learning is the rest that comes only in a place where we totally trust Him. You see, trust with any hint of doubt, any drop of anxiety, any shadow of fear is not really trust at all.

If we say we trust God, but harbour doubts about His goodness or ours for that matter; or worry about having nothing in the bank account or even our pockets; or are scared by the thought of not knowing what comes tomorrow, let alone next month or next year, is that really trusting?

It is only when we come to that place where our trust is absolute, or ‘ruthless’ as Brennan Manning would have it, that we truly find rest. That’s the place where we are learning to abide. It’s not that we’re there every minute of every day, but it’s the place we keep coming back to, the place where He keeps gently leading us.

Reticulated

For the past few years I have had the joy of God using words to speak to me in my dreams. I’ve rarely heard of the words He gives me, if at all, and I never, ever know what they mean! In fact, I always have to look them up in a dictionary before I know what He’s saying. Cool huh?

So, the day before we boarded the plane to Canada, I had a dream. And I had a new word. Reticulated. And here’s what I found when I looked it up on-line:

re·tic·u·late
1. netted; covered with a network.
2. netlike.
3. having veins or nerves disposed like the threads of a net, or a leaf.
4. to form into a network.
to cover or mark with a network.

It seems God was telling us He was weaving us into a network, plugging us in, getting us connected. And it was only a matter of minutes before He started doing just that. Well actually, as it turns out, He started doing it 20 years ago!

Back then, a couple came from California with a group to visit a church in London, where they met Nic. To cut a long story short, Nic ended up visiting this couple later that year at their home in California.

Cut back to the day I had the dream, and that same morning Nic had been listening to a Bill Johnson podcast whilst out on her run. Bill Johnson is the pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, California, the destination at the very top of our list of places to visit on our trip.

Now you have to know that Bill never mentions names in his talks. But this morning, what does he do? He mentions the name of a couple who have been attending the church for over 50 years. Yup, you guessed it! It was the very same couple who Nic had met all those years ago.

I know, this was supposed to be the short version of the story, sorry!

Anyway, we find them on Facebook, they are delighted to hear from us and now we are going to be staying with them when we visit Bethel Church in September. But that’s not all, because it turns out that they are connected right into the heart of the church, to Bill himself - they are in fact his in-laws! How cool is that?!

And this is a story that has repeated itself over again on our journey. We are being reticulated, plugged in to a network, connected in at the very heart.

Retro Specs

Another night. Another dream.

And this time it wasn’t a new word I was given, but a new take on an old one.

In the dream, I was given a pair of glasses, or ‘retro-specs’ as the person giving them to me called them, and was told to put them on.

God was telling us that we might not be able to see or understand the real purpose for our trip while we are still journeying, but that in ‘retro-specs’ (retrospect) as we look back all will become clear.

So now, when we are asked what our journey is all about, we can respond with a little more certainty. We can tell them it’s about trusting, that we are being connected into a network, and that all will become clear when we look back in weeks, months or even years from now.

A journey of ruthless trust

Mrs P with Robert & Susan Young and some of their delightful family

So... we arrived in Harrisburg PA, to stay with more new friends in John & Magy Comeaux and their wonderful family, in expectation of  encountering Jesus at the Zoe conference at Life Center. Apart from a night with food poisoning from a good ol' American diner, our expectations were met and more besides. Georgian & Winnie Banov were hosting the event, with Benjamin & Stephanie Dunn, and teaching us the gospel according to Paul! This is a message we've been ravenously devouring for the past couple of years, and it's a very different gospel to the one we've heard for most of our Christian lives! It was so good to hear it again from such joy-filled people who are truly living in the fullness of life that the gospel promises. This pure, non-religious, non-churched message is so incredibly liberating and life giving. It is simple and completely effortless, and awakens the senses to such joy, peace and intoxication – far too good to be true! We recommend reading the Happy Gospel by Benjamin Dunn, or listening to his podcasts on www.joyrevolution.com to find out more :)

At Radnor Lake, Franklin, TN we saw this and many other deer,

including the cutest little fawn with its mother - wonderful!

We enjoyed Life Center church on Sunday morning, including lights and smoke machines during worship – great fun! Then on Monday we drove 13 hours through beautiful countryside to be re-united with our long-term and special friends Chris & Laura Dupre in Franklin, TN. How wonderful to be with them again. We've enjoyed hanging here with them for a couple of weeks, during which Mike has also made the long trip to Texas and back, to visit his friend Blain, who he first met at a Wild at Heart Boot Camp in Colorado a couple of years ago. He had a great time and we hope to visit there together before the end of our trip.

Blain & Doris Eubank's ranch, Canadian, Texas

On Tuesday this week we head off again, to North Carolina, staying with friends Chris & Amy that we met in Harrisburg, and for a few days at Amy's mother's lodge at Moravian Falls, on the mountain renowned for its angelic activity!  From there we go back to Stroudsburg, PA to be with Robert & Susan again, and hang out at The Alabaster Box, before driving to Toronto to begin a 3 week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch the Fire.

 The Alabaster Box on Main in Stroudsburg, PA

(For the 80's music lovers among you,
notice The Blue Oyster Cult playing at the theatre next door!!)

Our trip continues to be a journey of ruthless trust, which at times is proving very uncomfortable. We are challenged daily to act as if the Bible is really true – well duh, of course it's true we hear you say! But I realise how many times I have read Matthew 6, where I am commanded not to worry, that all my needs will be taken care of, only to find myself anxious that there will not be enough; or that though Jesus healed every sickness on the cross, I am battling illness; or that I have been given life in all its fullness and through the cross have been given joy in every circumstance, only to find that I am feeling blue and life-less. We feel such a hunger to believe all that the Bible says and all that Jesus has freely given, and we know we need to be ruthless in this belief.


The other day I decided to change my watch from my left wrist to my right – it felt alien and strange, and I kept looking at my empty wrist to tell the time! Well, this journey feels a little like that – it's a huge renewing of the mind, transforming us to believe the true gospel, the gospel Paul preached, and to live as he did. It feels uncomfortable, odd, but in time, as we keep believing and acting as if the Bible is absolutely true, it starts to feel natural. Out of habit I'm still putting my watch on my left wrist, only to realise what I've done half way through the day, and I still don't really like how it feels on the other wrist, but if I stick with it, it will feel like its always been there.


I think about changing my watch over, and feel like it was a prophetic act of something God is wanting to do with all of us. He is bringing so many out of the grip of religious, 'churchianity' and leading us to drink in the 'bliss of realisation' of the true gospel. He is bringing more and more into amazing encounters with Him and His Kingdom. He is opening eyes to heaven and all that it contains. There is a generation emerging of wild lovers who are not concerned with the worlds ways, but only His. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable, but I am convinced it is His invitation which is being extended to all. Through the cross we are in union with Jesus, merged with Him. We areh in Him, He is in us. Heaven is in Him, and so we are in Heaven. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20). As we believe this incredible truth, things dramatically change, we get drunk on the grace of His love and all things become possible. This is how I want to live even when, like today, it feels uncomfortable and my faith is blind.


We still don't know where this American odyssey is leading, but we do believe Papa is right here in the midst of it, guiding our steps, providing for our needs and increasing our joy every day. We miss friends and family and are so grateful for those that journey with us in spirit. We are convinced that there is more for all of us than we could ever dream possible, and if we only believe, that we will live lives beyond all imagining.

Much love.

Nicky xxx

The journey so far...

St Stephen, New Brunswick

We are sitting on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers writing this blog. You don't feel like doing much else in the 90 degree heat, though we did punish ourselves with a run this morning. I don't think we've ever sweated so much before! We can't complain though, as our trip started very differently...

...after a wonderful few days in Germany, where we met and made some precious new friends, and encountered God in amazing ways, we spent a few days back in London, before catching a flight to North America, where we will be until the end of October (at least!!). We drove from Toronto to be with our friends Jeremy and Rachael Barham in St Stephen, New Brunswick – that much we knew when we left the UK, beyond here though, things were very sketchy!

After two wet and cold weeks in St Stephen, where we were thoroughly spoiled by Jeremy and Rachael, we did intend to head West across to the other side of Canada, the second largest country in the world, though it has to be said, neither of us were relishing the thought of driving over 1,000 miles a week across to Vancouver and back again! This had been our plan as we understood that we could only enter the USA for a period of 90 days before we would have to return to the UK. St Stephen is a border town and a discussion with a local border guard (a Top Gear fan!) soon put us straight.

In fact, we are able to enter the USA for a number of 90 day periods, we just have to leave the USA before the end of each period, before returning again for another 90 days. So, two stamps in our passports and several Top Gear stories later, we were free to enter the United States, which we could see so tantalisingly close across the river running through St Stephen. So we were less than two weeks into our trip and already our plans had changed!

Ben & Jerry's, Waterbury, Vermont

We bid farewell to the Barhams and headed across Maine to Montreal (yes, we know it's in Canada) to stay for a few days with the leaders of the Vineyard church there. We spent two days exploring the city and meeting some lovely people from the church, before crossing the border once again into Vermont. We wound our way through beautiful countryside towards Boston, stopping at Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory for a tour and to sample their latest flavour – which included clusters of chocolate covered, salted potato crisps. Bizarre!

Walking the Freedon Trail in Boston

We loved the relaxed atmosphere, friendly people and architecture of Boston, where we walked the Freedom Trail and visited Harvard University. Then we followed the One down the east coast to New York, stopping for a picnic lunch on Charlestown's delightful sandy beach. Some more new friends put us up in their upper west side Manhattan apartment, giving us the opportunity to explore the crazy city that is the Big Apple. Our aching legs, the island's subway and the famous ferry carried us to Staten Island, The High Line, Times Square, Central Park, Chelsea, Soho, The World Trade Center (where rebuilding is well underway) and many of the cities Starbucks!

Times Square is an assualt on your senses

As much as we enjoyed the sights, we were pleased to leave the tourist trail behind as we headed west into Pennsylvania, to spend a few days with even more new friends in Stroundsburg, enjoying the peace and abundant wildlife as we sit on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers. We love it here with Robert and Susan Young and their family, the pioneers of The Alabaster Box – a house of prayer, worship and creative arts, that is reaching out the community from its base on Main St. See http://www.alabasterboxworship.com/ for more!

So, where do we go from here? Well, next we're off to Harrisburg, for a Zoe Conference hosted by Georgian & Winnie Banov and Ben & Stephanie Dunn, at The Life Center http://www.lcmi.org/, which we are really looking forward to. After that, we travel to Franklin, Tennessee to be with our friends Chris & Laura, who we are very excited to be seeing again. Beyond that, we're attending the three week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch The Fire in Toronto in July http://www.ctftoronto.com/. And after that? God only knows!

That's our physical journey so far, but what has our spiritual journey looked like? We believe that the connections we are making with people are significant ones, though quite why may not be immediately apparent. It's also a continuing journey of trust, not just for His provision for us, but that we are in His will, even though things don't always look as we expect. We also believe that in Retro Specs, we will see His hand and purposes clearly.

That's all for now folks. We won't wait so long before we write the next one!

Much love,

Mike & Nicky xxx

On the eve of departure

It's the eve of our departure to Canada, the day we thought would never come. Bags packed (travelling light amazingly!), tickets booked, old friends waiting, new friends to be made. It is another step along the unknown path. This journey of daily trust, daily surrender, leaning on Jesus. Only He knows what lies ahead and the treasures He has waiting for us to find. My heart is settled having come through a wobble when the house actually sold and I feel ready for the next step in this adventure. Papa has shown Himself faithful over and over and He will not divert from His promises. He will remain true to His word and faithful to His plans.

Already the journey is unexpected. We were in Germany last week – a last minute invitation to get involved with a conference in Duisburg near Dussledorf. We had the time of our lives. The conference was wild - a riot of Holy Spirit drunkenness and masses of fun! The cloud of His presence was strong and many were touched deeply. Salvations and healings broke out on the streets as the glory of heaven invaded and many were hijacked by love. We met incredible people – amazing that on Monday you don't know someone and by Friday you love them! Papa met with us too with deeper revelation of His love, with words of encouragement for what is to come, through prophecy. Truly loved up by the God who loves like no other.

I had a vision of Jesus the lion standing in front of me roaring and as He did my skin was blown off – shedding the old to reveal the new. The next day we found ourselves called to the front with a handful of other couples receiving a word about our old mantles being taken off and new ones being put on. We were not to look back but to live in the new. Great preparation at the start of this new adventure :) We fell in love with Germany – the place and the people and we hope to return.

Next step Canada for 3 months and then into America in August. Not what we had planned. Again I discover that my plans and expectations need a constant willingness to surrender to His and I love it. I have a fierce hunger growing in me to be resolute in my trust, resolute with my gaze, to have nothing but Jesus and to follow no-one but Him. I am more aware than ever that just a little leaven affects the whole loaf. I either trust wholly or I am not trusting. It may look ridiculous to the world and even to the church it could appear utterly foolish, but I don't care! For this is the path I choose and I want to walk further along it. I want to get completely lost on it, go so deep that I don't find my way back to normal or comfortable.

I know this is His path and we are all invited onto it whether we are travelling, working or raising children. This unknown path is beyond beautiful. It is fragranced with heaven itself , it is lined with angelic presence, it is made of the colours of the Kingdom and there are daily treasures to be found. Joy is common on this path – a joy that pervades any circumstance and can laugh in any adversity. And those that travel it are true companions – those that love deeply and wildly and cheer you along at every step!

So bring it on! Deeper I am pulled into the heart of love. Not a work of my own doing, but of grace. The grace to trust, the grace to lean, the grace that calls me His. We have no idea what is to come but we go willingly and excitedly because He is good and totally trustworthy.

Nicky xxx

And so it begins...

So, the house has sold, our possessions are scattered to the four corners of Devon, and we have finally set out on this magical mystery tour with nothing but our suitcases and a burning desire to follow Him. “Where are we going?”, “Why are we going?” and “What are we hoping to find when we 'get there'?” are all questions we have asked ourselves, almost as many times as we ourselves have been asked.

Well, there's no mystery in the first answer, at least not for now – after short trips to Scotland and Germany, we will be heading off in May to North America for six months or so. What comes after that, we're hoping will become clearer nearer the time! As to why we are going and what we're hoping to find, I could tell you we're on a pilgrimage, which we are, but perhaps it would be best to illustrate what I mean using Exodus 33 which continues to have real significance for us.

v.8 “And whenever Moses went out to the tent (of meeting with the Lord), all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent.”

We have a real sense that we too are being 'watched', that this journey isn't just for us, but somehow it's also for those watching on. We really appreciate the love, support and encouragement we've received from every one of you, and believe that, although we are the ones doing the travelling, you are very much with us.

v.11 “The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.”

John 15:15 tells us that “I no longer call you servants ... Instead I have called you friends...”. Now I cannot claim to have spoken face-to-face with God as Moses did (yet), but I am His friend – He has chosen me, and He desires my company and companionship as much as I desire His. Relationship with God is what Jesus died for, and relationship with Him is what we live for. (Romans 6:10)

v.13 “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favour with you.”

In the intimacy of relationship with Him we want to know Him - not simply to know about Him, but to understand His nature, to discern His heart, to know His will, to experience the friendship of one who is closer than a brother, and live in the favour of His unceasing love. Teaching in this context is not about sitting in a classroom or reading books, but spending time with Him, learning by living in His Presence so that, just as Jesus did, we can do what we see Him doing. (John 6:19)

v.14 “The Lord replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.'” (TLB)

God is coming with us! I believe His promise to Moses is as relevant for us today as it was for Moses then. This promise of His Presence provides such relief, such confidence, such hope in the rest that comes with trusting Him completely, absolutely, entirely. If our journey thus far has been about anything, it has been about learning to trust Him, whatever each day may bring. (Psalm 91)

v.15-16 “Then Moses said to him, 'If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?.'”

This is our prayer too. We want to remain in His Presence, to be led by the Holy Spirit each and every day. We recognise that this will not always look like we are making obvious or even sensible choices, but we want to be enslaved, willingly, to His will, and free from having to conform to the world. Our desire is that we might have ears to hear Him and the strength and courage that accrues with the knowledge of His abiding Presence. (Joshua 1:9)

v.18 “Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.'”

Most of us, perhaps, would be satisfied with God's promise of friendship, favour and rest - and these are indeed wonderful things. For Moses, however, that was not enough. What Moses sought, what we are seeking is an encounter with God, to see Him in all His glory. King Saul, having been anointed by Samuel, had such an encounter with God:

1 Samuel 10:6-7 “The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you … and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.”

It is our deepest desire to experience such an encounter ourselves – a spirit-empowering, life-changing encounter with the Living God. We are in pursuit of the promise that Jesus himself gives us in John 14:21. Following his encounter, Saul was released into his destiny, and it is our destiny, our assignment that we long to be revealed and empowered to fulfil.

v.19 “And the LORD said, 'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence.'”

When God reveals Himself to Moses, it is in the glory of His goodness. It's our desire that His goodness is revealed in and through our own lives, to His everlasting glory. My heart has long held a passion to make a difference, a real and lasting difference in the world and in the lives of His beloved children, be they lost or found. I can't do this by my own might or power, but only by the Holy Spirit in me. (John 15:16)

After his encounter with God, Moses obeys His command to chisel out two more stone tablets to replace the ones he had broken, then to present himself before God on Mount Sinai. Here God makes a covenant with him:

Exodus 34:10 “Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you.”

This promise is our inheritance too, but now it's through us that he chooses to reveal signs and wonders that point to the one true and living God; miracles that make a real and lasting difference to people's lives; and awesome works that reveal His compassion, love and faithfulness in all the nations of the world. The kingdom of God is at hand - and we long for it to be revealed here on earth in our lives. (John 14:12-14)

Watch this space...

Mike

True rest

 

I have suffered with insomnia for many years and come to accept tiredness as the norm. I've pretty much just got on with life, managing things around my lack of sleep. In the past few weeks however, my lack of sleep has taken on a whole new dimension - with night after night of as little as 2 hours sleep. As a result I got myself into a bit of a tiz! Another way to describe a bit of a tiz is fear, anxiety, what if? In desperation I facebooked friends to ask for prayer.

That same morning Papa de-tizzed me! A couple of friends had responded to my request with a gentle reminder of rest. Not simply the physical rest of doing little, but the wonderful, addictive, intoxicating rest that comes through the finished work of the cross. The deep rest that comes from trusting Jesus and all that He has given. Jesus has finished it, completed the work – He has given me everything in fullness.

My inheritance is wildly rich and contains way more than I could ever need or want. I can rest in in the truth that He has already given it, done it all to me and for me. What a relief, what a deep satisfying sigh this brings to my being! The fullness has been given. Even my ability to believe it and see it manifest in my life is up to Him. He is the one who renews my mind and transforms me to believe.

During the de-tizzing process, another gentle invitation came “beloved, do you trust me?” This question, as it always does when it comes, hits somewhere deep within me, it hits the fear and I realise that in this place I have walked out from under the finished work of the cross, I have stopped believing that He has done it all and given all. The thing is, it's very difficult to rest without trust! What peace then, my decision to trust Him in this brings, another deep sigh, phew! He has it all covered, completely and utterly sorted. I know this affliction will end because my inheritance is deep, restorative sleep. As I wait though, to experience healing, there are great treasures in this darkness and He will see to it that I find them.

I'm not fighting any more, I'm not fighting sleep if it comes in the day and I'm not fighting wakefulness if it comes in the night. In fact I am getting to LOVE my times of being awake in the small hours when all else sleeps and everything is still. In it, He is knocking the 'fight' out of me and causing a greater trusting dependency on His constant goodness. I am discovering another, deeper place of rest and it is wonderful.

Trust is addictive, rest is addictive, drinking deeply and feasting on what He has done and given is addictive. I cannot live any other way. When I choose His way, joy becomes a constant regardless of circumstances. I lose myself in Him, | trust Him and I let Him completely take over. I get to live in the sweet, soft, melting core of Him where nothing is a big deal, where nothing is scary or overwhelming, and where I get to snuggle day after day in restful, perfect love.

Nicky