Monday 27 December 2010

Fools for God

The Bible tells me that "the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight" (1 Cor 3:19) and that "the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom" (1 Cor 1:25). I can't help but wonder if what we are doing is just our foolishness or the wisdom of God? Giving up life as it is 'normally' lived - with a job, a mortgage and two weeks of summer sun; waiting for God to intervene in our lives, to show us and tell us what He would have us do and say; choosing to follow Him whatever the cost, yet not knowing where that leads or what it looks like. Is that really wisdom or just foolishness?

In this vein, I was wondering this morning as I lay in bed what the disciples would have felt, waiting in the upper room for the promised Holy Spirit? They wouldn't have known what it was going to look like when He showed up, they wouldn't have know how long they were going to have to wait - it could have been years, after all Israel had waited over 400 years for the promised Messiah to come. Would they have been in constant prayer and worship? Would they have been telling stories about Jesus or speculating about the Holy Spirit and the difference He would make to their lives? Would they have been wondering about the power they would have after Jesus Himself told them they would do greater works than Him?

For us, this time and these circumstances we find ourselves in have felt much like our own upper room, but are Jesus' words relevant for us in today's times? Does He really want me to 'wait for the gift my Father has promised' as He instructed His disciples to do? He also tells them that with this gift they will 'receive power so that they might be witnesses...to the ends of the earth' (Acts 1). I know I'm not living in the power He promised and I can't believe that what I have experienced so far is the fullness of His promise to us - it's simply not enough when I know He is the God of 'much more'. There has to be more, much more, and as His beloved son, this fullness is promised to me, it's my inheritance.

So I will wait for Him, not knowing what it looks like or when it will come, expectantly and full of hope, for the fullness of the Holy Spirit to fill me, to change me from glory to glory, flowing from me to bring His kingdom to the ends of the earth. I must have all of Him, nothing else will satisfy, I am spoiled for anything else. Until then, we will wait, we will will pray, we will worship, we will talk about Jesus and speculate about the signs and wonders we might see, for God has made a promise and He does not disappoint. I'm a fool for God and there's nothing else I'd rather be!

Mike x

Thursday 2 December 2010

On the glory train to nowhere

Well here's our blog empty and waiting for news. I feel compelled to write this week so here goes. I'm not eloquent or gifted with words so feel free to read these ramblings or give up!

We were both hoping to pen our first blog entries from somewhere hot and beautiful but here I sit in our temporary home with Mike's mum and dad in Budleigh Salterton - blanket, hot water bottle, cold! Yet a lightness and joy of heart makes up for the coldness of body.

This particular part of our journey has been long, requiring much perseverance through trying circumstances. A house on the market for 18 months, our 4th buyer promising a quick sale that was meant to complete 2 weeks ago, but which has now been delayed by as much as 10 more weeks. We had felt it safe to investigate our 'round the world' tickets and were dreaming of Sri Lankan skies for Christmas with great friends. A bank account very much more than empty (one reason why we are now in Budleigh with parents!) and expectations dashed again.

So why a lightness and joy of heart?! I sit here so grateful for difficult circumstances that have brought us to this point. This whole process, the disappointment of failed house sales, of lost dreams and expectations have been the road that has led ever deeper into the burning heart of Jesus. With every obstacle and every tear comes a forward motion, yes may-be just a shuffle, an inch at a time, but forwards none the less. Trust, surrender, trust, surrender, trust, surrender, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. A stripping of my thoughts and ways, give way to His. It would not have looked like this had I been in control. It would have been neat and ordered with some great testimony of victory and miraculous intervention. It would have been fireworks and trumpets and if I'm honest, just a little bit of glory for me. Yet I cannot put into words how wonderfully freeing this process is. How much lighter I feel giving up my rights and my wants to yield to the One who always knows what's best for me and loves me unceasingly.

I find I don't grasp as I used to to things that don't matter. I worry less, I don't need to be in control as much. I want to live free, free to be blown by the wind of the Spirit with the ability to bend and move like clay in the potters hands. I am intoxicated with His love for me like never before and I delight in drinking heavily on the new wine that He pours out. He is transforming me into a new wine skin - it doesn't look like I thought it would. It doesn't look particularly victorious and has no neat edges. It doesn't read like a fairy tale but the happy ending is Him, purely, simply, beautifully Him. He is all I need, all I long for, all that satisfies. As I have let go of me, there has been more room for Him. I am becoming addicted to 'letting go', letting go of all that is not at His instigation, all that is not of Him. In letting go I can fly unhindered, unencumbered and feel the exilhiration of free fall - woooosh!

So we are on the train to nowhere - the 'now' and the 'here'. Living each day with a hunger for His presence and breathing in as deeply as possible all that comes our way. Only Papa knows where we are headed and when we will get there - and right now that's enough. I want to enjoy the ride, enjoy the glory of Him and simply live in the peace that comes from knowing He has it all worked out.

Nicky xxx