The Glorious Unknown

I'm on a journey into the great, awesome, glorious unknown. I have been captured by a love that transcends all reason, that is way bigger than myself and I cannot turn back. I am being drawn by the gravity of this love into increasing comprehension of its depths, loosing myself to it, forgetting who I am outside of its consuming glory.

I am going beyond the horizon, way beyond what I know and what I can see. Into the unknown places and spaces, dimensions and realities of Him. I am being drawn beyond my comprehension, leaving my own miniscule thoughts and ways behind – they are smaller than tiny dots compared to the vast ocean of His. I am leaving all that is familiar, all that I have known to journey into the glory of the unknown. I have to let go of the old and the familiar. I have to let go of all I have experienced and understood thus far. I have to take courage and be willing to journey into mystery and allow the discomfort of this new to be a constant companion. I know if I want to live in the fullness that is mine, if I want to see His glory change the world this is the path I must travel.

I am already in, I know that resistance is futile – a force way greater than me pulls me in and in and in until I cannot see behind, in front or around. I let go of me because all I want is Him. I want to be lost in the knowledge of Jesus, I want only Jesus, I loose myself because He is all that matters.

This feels like it goes beyond Mary sitting at Jesus' feet. Since the wonderful, glorious cross, I am united with my Christ. I am free to go further than sitting at His feet. He has made the way for me to merge with His very being, to be in union with Him and to experience the joyous bliss of the new covenant. He has placed the fullness of the Godhead within my being and His river of life and glory flows from within wherever I place my feet. This is about being not doing, about resting not working, trust not strife, about sinking into the finished work of the cross where He has done it all. Being will lead me there – a path unfamiliar, alien to most. Nothing required, I don't need to lift a finger because He has done it all. I can trust His gravitational pull to draw me into the cloud of His presence and from here all else will flow. From here the sick are healed and the broken mended, the lost found and the abandoned adopted.

It is all about Him because He has done it all. He has caught me up into this incredible, transforming, intoxicating journey and I am happily helpless to resist.

Nicky

xx

Expect the unexpected

I've been thinking about expectations lately because I've had many come to nought this year, in fact when I come to think of it this isn't actually a recent phenomena but has been occurring my whole life!

I realise that life is full of them and they happen every day. I expect to go to work tomorrow, I expect to eat breakfast, meet a friend – normal, every day expectations that carry on their merry dance through our lives without us even noticing. But then there are the biggies , the ones that carry weight and that we pin our hopes on. The ones where we expect life to turn out a certain way and follow the neat path that we have carefully crafted in our mind. The ones we create that keep life safe, secure and happy. For me, these 'biggies' often grow out of brokenness and are rooted in fear, a lack of trust in Papa. In the past they have led me into disappointment, pain and frustration with Jesus. I now realise that they were never His plans in the first place yet I was quick to blame Him when they weren't met!

So many times over the past 18 months I expected to sell our house, to leave the country and visit new pastures. Each time my expectations have been dashed there has been a little more transformation in my heart. Each time I have yielded a little more to His ways rather than my own. I am learning to trust that His ways are perfect and mine are not even when I don't fully understand what He's up to. I am learning to let go of expectations in the little things and the big things and simply to trust.

This place is the life I'm seeking. It isn't about “whatever will be will be”,rather a relentless refusal to do things my way. It is the ability to flow with the Holy Spirit with my hand in His. To give Him all the space He wants to do with my life what He will and lead me where He knows is best in the day to day and in the biggies. It takes time. I am so good at creating my own expectations that to dismantle what is second nature takes dedication. It comes back to letting go, it comes back to trust, it comes back to love – His passionate, perfect, always good love to me. It feels as if this is big and and that if I remain willing and yielded there is something amazing out the other side. I'm learning that there is such freedom and joy in expecting the unexpected and letting Him take control. It always turns out better than any of my best plans and has a way of working out perfectly!

Nicky

xx

Five stones

Several months ago, I was doodling in my journal as I spent the morning with Papa. I looked down at what I'd been drawing to see five smooth round pebbles. I was immediately reminded of the story of David and Goliath, though it had not been part of my studies recently.

Like me, you are probably very familiar with the story, but as I turned to to find it in the Bible this time, I was struck by the fact that David had chosen five stones from the stream with which to face the giant Goliath. Five stones. Not one stone, but five stones!

Did David think he might miss with his first, or even his second, third and fourth stones? He was so confident in his God, that he stepped forward when no one else would, to face the taunting Palestinians. And yet he picked five smooth stones from the brook.

I remember thinking that this story may hold some significance for us in our efforts to sell the house, though at that time we were only on sale number two. As our fourth stone fell short of the target this week, I couldn't help but be reminded of it again.

Will our house sell at the fifth attempt? I honestly can't say, but as I considered this, what I felt God say was that He could have slain our giant at the first attempt all those months ago, and had He done so, we could have been on our merry way to pastures new.

Though there's been pain in the process, I am so glad that He had other ideas. You see, as each and every sale has faltered, our trust in the love and goodness of Papa has grown. As we have endured the pain of plans frustrated, of hopes dashed, we have learned to dive deeper into Him.

I am so thankful for this opportunity - to know Him more intimately; to experience His unfailing love; to understand that I really am His beloved son; to learn to trust Him completely; to grasp the reality of His goodness; and to discover the freedom that comes with surrendering to His will.

We could have hit the target with our first stone, but if we had, we would have missed out on the priceless treasures God has revealed to us in the process. And so we thank you Papa, that you love us so well... and that we didn't hit with our first stone.

Mike x

Fools for God

The Bible tells me that "the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight" (1 Cor 3:19) and that "the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom" (1 Cor 1:25). I can't help but wonder if what we are doing is just our foolishness or the wisdom of God? Giving up life as it is 'normally' lived - with a job, a mortgage and two weeks of summer sun; waiting for God to intervene in our lives, to show us and tell us what He would have us do and say; choosing to follow Him whatever the cost, yet not knowing where that leads or what it looks like. Is that really wisdom or just foolishness?

In this vein, I was wondering this morning as I lay in bed what the disciples would have felt, waiting in the upper room for the promised Holy Spirit? They wouldn't have known what it was going to look like when He showed up, they wouldn't have know how long they were going to have to wait - it could have been years, after all Israel had waited over 400 years for the promised Messiah to come. Would they have been in constant prayer and worship? Would they have been telling stories about Jesus or speculating about the Holy Spirit and the difference He would make to their lives? Would they have been wondering about the power they would have after Jesus Himself told them they would do greater works than Him?

For us, this time and these circumstances we find ourselves in have felt much like our own upper room, but are Jesus' words relevant for us in today's times? Does He really want me to 'wait for the gift my Father has promised' as He instructed His disciples to do? He also tells them that with this gift they will 'receive power so that they might be witnesses...to the ends of the earth' (Acts 1). I know I'm not living in the power He promised and I can't believe that what I have experienced so far is the fullness of His promise to us - it's simply not enough when I know He is the God of 'much more'. There has to be more, much more, and as His beloved son, this fullness is promised to me, it's my inheritance.

So I will wait for Him, not knowing what it looks like or when it will come, expectantly and full of hope, for the fullness of the Holy Spirit to fill me, to change me from glory to glory, flowing from me to bring His kingdom to the ends of the earth. I must have all of Him, nothing else will satisfy, I am spoiled for anything else. Until then, we will wait, we will will pray, we will worship, we will talk about Jesus and speculate about the signs and wonders we might see, for God has made a promise and He does not disappoint. I'm a fool for God and there's nothing else I'd rather be!

Mike x

On the glory train to nowhere

Well here's our blog empty and waiting for news. I feel compelled to write this week so here goes. I'm not eloquent or gifted with words so feel free to read these ramblings or give up!

We were both hoping to pen our first blog entries from somewhere hot and beautiful but here I sit in our temporary home with Mike's mum and dad in Budleigh Salterton - blanket, hot water bottle, cold! Yet a lightness and joy of heart makes up for the coldness of body.

This particular part of our journey has been long, requiring much perseverance through trying circumstances. A house on the market for 18 months, our 4th buyer promising a quick sale that was meant to complete 2 weeks ago, but which has now been delayed by as much as 10 more weeks. We had felt it safe to investigate our 'round the world' tickets and were dreaming of Sri Lankan skies for Christmas with great friends. A bank account very much more than empty (one reason why we are now in Budleigh with parents!) and expectations dashed again.

So why a lightness and joy of heart?! I sit here so grateful for difficult circumstances that have brought us to this point. This whole process, the disappointment of failed house sales, of lost dreams and expectations have been the road that has led ever deeper into the burning heart of Jesus. With every obstacle and every tear comes a forward motion, yes may-be just a shuffle, an inch at a time, but forwards none the less. Trust, surrender, trust, surrender, trust, surrender, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle. A stripping of my thoughts and ways, give way to His. It would not have looked like this had I been in control. It would have been neat and ordered with some great testimony of victory and miraculous intervention. It would have been fireworks and trumpets and if I'm honest, just a little bit of glory for me. Yet I cannot put into words how wonderfully freeing this process is. How much lighter I feel giving up my rights and my wants to yield to the One who always knows what's best for me and loves me unceasingly.

I find I don't grasp as I used to to things that don't matter. I worry less, I don't need to be in control as much. I want to live free, free to be blown by the wind of the Spirit with the ability to bend and move like clay in the potters hands. I am intoxicated with His love for me like never before and I delight in drinking heavily on the new wine that He pours out. He is transforming me into a new wine skin - it doesn't look like I thought it would. It doesn't look particularly victorious and has no neat edges. It doesn't read like a fairy tale but the happy ending is Him, purely, simply, beautifully Him. He is all I need, all I long for, all that satisfies. As I have let go of me, there has been more room for Him. I am becoming addicted to 'letting go', letting go of all that is not at His instigation, all that is not of Him. In letting go I can fly unhindered, unencumbered and feel the exilhiration of free fall - woooosh!

So we are on the train to nowhere - the 'now' and the 'here'. Living each day with a hunger for His presence and breathing in as deeply as possible all that comes our way. Only Papa knows where we are headed and when we will get there - and right now that's enough. I want to enjoy the ride, enjoy the glory of Him and simply live in the peace that comes from knowing He has it all worked out.

Nicky xxx