A journey of ruthless trust

Mrs P with Robert & Susan Young and some of their delightful family

So... we arrived in Harrisburg PA, to stay with more new friends in John & Magy Comeaux and their wonderful family, in expectation of  encountering Jesus at the Zoe conference at Life Center. Apart from a night with food poisoning from a good ol' American diner, our expectations were met and more besides. Georgian & Winnie Banov were hosting the event, with Benjamin & Stephanie Dunn, and teaching us the gospel according to Paul! This is a message we've been ravenously devouring for the past couple of years, and it's a very different gospel to the one we've heard for most of our Christian lives! It was so good to hear it again from such joy-filled people who are truly living in the fullness of life that the gospel promises. This pure, non-religious, non-churched message is so incredibly liberating and life giving. It is simple and completely effortless, and awakens the senses to such joy, peace and intoxication – far too good to be true! We recommend reading the Happy Gospel by Benjamin Dunn, or listening to his podcasts on www.joyrevolution.com to find out more :)

At Radnor Lake, Franklin, TN we saw this and many other deer,

including the cutest little fawn with its mother - wonderful!

We enjoyed Life Center church on Sunday morning, including lights and smoke machines during worship – great fun! Then on Monday we drove 13 hours through beautiful countryside to be re-united with our long-term and special friends Chris & Laura Dupre in Franklin, TN. How wonderful to be with them again. We've enjoyed hanging here with them for a couple of weeks, during which Mike has also made the long trip to Texas and back, to visit his friend Blain, who he first met at a Wild at Heart Boot Camp in Colorado a couple of years ago. He had a great time and we hope to visit there together before the end of our trip.

Blain & Doris Eubank's ranch, Canadian, Texas

On Tuesday this week we head off again, to North Carolina, staying with friends Chris & Amy that we met in Harrisburg, and for a few days at Amy's mother's lodge at Moravian Falls, on the mountain renowned for its angelic activity!  From there we go back to Stroudsburg, PA to be with Robert & Susan again, and hang out at The Alabaster Box, before driving to Toronto to begin a 3 week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch the Fire.

 The Alabaster Box on Main in Stroudsburg, PA

(For the 80's music lovers among you,
notice The Blue Oyster Cult playing at the theatre next door!!)

Our trip continues to be a journey of ruthless trust, which at times is proving very uncomfortable. We are challenged daily to act as if the Bible is really true – well duh, of course it's true we hear you say! But I realise how many times I have read Matthew 6, where I am commanded not to worry, that all my needs will be taken care of, only to find myself anxious that there will not be enough; or that though Jesus healed every sickness on the cross, I am battling illness; or that I have been given life in all its fullness and through the cross have been given joy in every circumstance, only to find that I am feeling blue and life-less. We feel such a hunger to believe all that the Bible says and all that Jesus has freely given, and we know we need to be ruthless in this belief.


The other day I decided to change my watch from my left wrist to my right – it felt alien and strange, and I kept looking at my empty wrist to tell the time! Well, this journey feels a little like that – it's a huge renewing of the mind, transforming us to believe the true gospel, the gospel Paul preached, and to live as he did. It feels uncomfortable, odd, but in time, as we keep believing and acting as if the Bible is absolutely true, it starts to feel natural. Out of habit I'm still putting my watch on my left wrist, only to realise what I've done half way through the day, and I still don't really like how it feels on the other wrist, but if I stick with it, it will feel like its always been there.


I think about changing my watch over, and feel like it was a prophetic act of something God is wanting to do with all of us. He is bringing so many out of the grip of religious, 'churchianity' and leading us to drink in the 'bliss of realisation' of the true gospel. He is bringing more and more into amazing encounters with Him and His Kingdom. He is opening eyes to heaven and all that it contains. There is a generation emerging of wild lovers who are not concerned with the worlds ways, but only His. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable, but I am convinced it is His invitation which is being extended to all. Through the cross we are in union with Jesus, merged with Him. We areh in Him, He is in us. Heaven is in Him, and so we are in Heaven. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me (Galatians 2:20). As we believe this incredible truth, things dramatically change, we get drunk on the grace of His love and all things become possible. This is how I want to live even when, like today, it feels uncomfortable and my faith is blind.


We still don't know where this American odyssey is leading, but we do believe Papa is right here in the midst of it, guiding our steps, providing for our needs and increasing our joy every day. We miss friends and family and are so grateful for those that journey with us in spirit. We are convinced that there is more for all of us than we could ever dream possible, and if we only believe, that we will live lives beyond all imagining.

Much love.

Nicky xxx

The journey so far...

St Stephen, New Brunswick

We are sitting on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers writing this blog. You don't feel like doing much else in the 90 degree heat, though we did punish ourselves with a run this morning. I don't think we've ever sweated so much before! We can't complain though, as our trip started very differently...

...after a wonderful few days in Germany, where we met and made some precious new friends, and encountered God in amazing ways, we spent a few days back in London, before catching a flight to North America, where we will be until the end of October (at least!!). We drove from Toronto to be with our friends Jeremy and Rachael Barham in St Stephen, New Brunswick – that much we knew when we left the UK, beyond here though, things were very sketchy!

After two wet and cold weeks in St Stephen, where we were thoroughly spoiled by Jeremy and Rachael, we did intend to head West across to the other side of Canada, the second largest country in the world, though it has to be said, neither of us were relishing the thought of driving over 1,000 miles a week across to Vancouver and back again! This had been our plan as we understood that we could only enter the USA for a period of 90 days before we would have to return to the UK. St Stephen is a border town and a discussion with a local border guard (a Top Gear fan!) soon put us straight.

In fact, we are able to enter the USA for a number of 90 day periods, we just have to leave the USA before the end of each period, before returning again for another 90 days. So, two stamps in our passports and several Top Gear stories later, we were free to enter the United States, which we could see so tantalisingly close across the river running through St Stephen. So we were less than two weeks into our trip and already our plans had changed!

Ben & Jerry's, Waterbury, Vermont

We bid farewell to the Barhams and headed across Maine to Montreal (yes, we know it's in Canada) to stay for a few days with the leaders of the Vineyard church there. We spent two days exploring the city and meeting some lovely people from the church, before crossing the border once again into Vermont. We wound our way through beautiful countryside towards Boston, stopping at Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory for a tour and to sample their latest flavour – which included clusters of chocolate covered, salted potato crisps. Bizarre!

Walking the Freedon Trail in Boston

We loved the relaxed atmosphere, friendly people and architecture of Boston, where we walked the Freedom Trail and visited Harvard University. Then we followed the One down the east coast to New York, stopping for a picnic lunch on Charlestown's delightful sandy beach. Some more new friends put us up in their upper west side Manhattan apartment, giving us the opportunity to explore the crazy city that is the Big Apple. Our aching legs, the island's subway and the famous ferry carried us to Staten Island, The High Line, Times Square, Central Park, Chelsea, Soho, The World Trade Center (where rebuilding is well underway) and many of the cities Starbucks!

Times Square is an assualt on your senses

As much as we enjoyed the sights, we were pleased to leave the tourist trail behind as we headed west into Pennsylvania, to spend a few days with even more new friends in Stroundsburg, enjoying the peace and abundant wildlife as we sit on the porch like a couple of good ol' timers. We love it here with Robert and Susan Young and their family, the pioneers of The Alabaster Box – a house of prayer, worship and creative arts, that is reaching out the community from its base on Main St. See http://www.alabasterboxworship.com/ for more!

So, where do we go from here? Well, next we're off to Harrisburg, for a Zoe Conference hosted by Georgian & Winnie Banov and Ben & Stephanie Dunn, at The Life Center http://www.lcmi.org/, which we are really looking forward to. After that, we travel to Franklin, Tennessee to be with our friends Chris & Laura, who we are very excited to be seeing again. Beyond that, we're attending the three week Leadership School of Ministry at Catch The Fire in Toronto in July http://www.ctftoronto.com/. And after that? God only knows!

That's our physical journey so far, but what has our spiritual journey looked like? We believe that the connections we are making with people are significant ones, though quite why may not be immediately apparent. It's also a continuing journey of trust, not just for His provision for us, but that we are in His will, even though things don't always look as we expect. We also believe that in Retro Specs, we will see His hand and purposes clearly.

That's all for now folks. We won't wait so long before we write the next one!

Much love,

Mike & Nicky xxx

On the eve of departure

It's the eve of our departure to Canada, the day we thought would never come. Bags packed (travelling light amazingly!), tickets booked, old friends waiting, new friends to be made. It is another step along the unknown path. This journey of daily trust, daily surrender, leaning on Jesus. Only He knows what lies ahead and the treasures He has waiting for us to find. My heart is settled having come through a wobble when the house actually sold and I feel ready for the next step in this adventure. Papa has shown Himself faithful over and over and He will not divert from His promises. He will remain true to His word and faithful to His plans.

Already the journey is unexpected. We were in Germany last week – a last minute invitation to get involved with a conference in Duisburg near Dussledorf. We had the time of our lives. The conference was wild - a riot of Holy Spirit drunkenness and masses of fun! The cloud of His presence was strong and many were touched deeply. Salvations and healings broke out on the streets as the glory of heaven invaded and many were hijacked by love. We met incredible people – amazing that on Monday you don't know someone and by Friday you love them! Papa met with us too with deeper revelation of His love, with words of encouragement for what is to come, through prophecy. Truly loved up by the God who loves like no other.

I had a vision of Jesus the lion standing in front of me roaring and as He did my skin was blown off – shedding the old to reveal the new. The next day we found ourselves called to the front with a handful of other couples receiving a word about our old mantles being taken off and new ones being put on. We were not to look back but to live in the new. Great preparation at the start of this new adventure :) We fell in love with Germany – the place and the people and we hope to return.

Next step Canada for 3 months and then into America in August. Not what we had planned. Again I discover that my plans and expectations need a constant willingness to surrender to His and I love it. I have a fierce hunger growing in me to be resolute in my trust, resolute with my gaze, to have nothing but Jesus and to follow no-one but Him. I am more aware than ever that just a little leaven affects the whole loaf. I either trust wholly or I am not trusting. It may look ridiculous to the world and even to the church it could appear utterly foolish, but I don't care! For this is the path I choose and I want to walk further along it. I want to get completely lost on it, go so deep that I don't find my way back to normal or comfortable.

I know this is His path and we are all invited onto it whether we are travelling, working or raising children. This unknown path is beyond beautiful. It is fragranced with heaven itself , it is lined with angelic presence, it is made of the colours of the Kingdom and there are daily treasures to be found. Joy is common on this path – a joy that pervades any circumstance and can laugh in any adversity. And those that travel it are true companions – those that love deeply and wildly and cheer you along at every step!

So bring it on! Deeper I am pulled into the heart of love. Not a work of my own doing, but of grace. The grace to trust, the grace to lean, the grace that calls me His. We have no idea what is to come but we go willingly and excitedly because He is good and totally trustworthy.

Nicky xxx

And so it begins...

So, the house has sold, our possessions are scattered to the four corners of Devon, and we have finally set out on this magical mystery tour with nothing but our suitcases and a burning desire to follow Him. “Where are we going?”, “Why are we going?” and “What are we hoping to find when we 'get there'?” are all questions we have asked ourselves, almost as many times as we ourselves have been asked.

Well, there's no mystery in the first answer, at least not for now – after short trips to Scotland and Germany, we will be heading off in May to North America for six months or so. What comes after that, we're hoping will become clearer nearer the time! As to why we are going and what we're hoping to find, I could tell you we're on a pilgrimage, which we are, but perhaps it would be best to illustrate what I mean using Exodus 33 which continues to have real significance for us.

v.8 “And whenever Moses went out to the tent (of meeting with the Lord), all the people rose and stood at the entrances to their tents, watching Moses until he entered the tent.”

We have a real sense that we too are being 'watched', that this journey isn't just for us, but somehow it's also for those watching on. We really appreciate the love, support and encouragement we've received from every one of you, and believe that, although we are the ones doing the travelling, you are very much with us.

v.11 “The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend.”

John 15:15 tells us that “I no longer call you servants ... Instead I have called you friends...”. Now I cannot claim to have spoken face-to-face with God as Moses did (yet), but I am His friend – He has chosen me, and He desires my company and companionship as much as I desire His. Relationship with God is what Jesus died for, and relationship with Him is what we live for. (Romans 6:10)

v.13 “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favour with you.”

In the intimacy of relationship with Him we want to know Him - not simply to know about Him, but to understand His nature, to discern His heart, to know His will, to experience the friendship of one who is closer than a brother, and live in the favour of His unceasing love. Teaching in this context is not about sitting in a classroom or reading books, but spending time with Him, learning by living in His Presence so that, just as Jesus did, we can do what we see Him doing. (John 6:19)

v.14 “The Lord replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest—everything will be fine for you.'” (TLB)

God is coming with us! I believe His promise to Moses is as relevant for us today as it was for Moses then. This promise of His Presence provides such relief, such confidence, such hope in the rest that comes with trusting Him completely, absolutely, entirely. If our journey thus far has been about anything, it has been about learning to trust Him, whatever each day may bring. (Psalm 91)

v.15-16 “Then Moses said to him, 'If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?.'”

This is our prayer too. We want to remain in His Presence, to be led by the Holy Spirit each and every day. We recognise that this will not always look like we are making obvious or even sensible choices, but we want to be enslaved, willingly, to His will, and free from having to conform to the world. Our desire is that we might have ears to hear Him and the strength and courage that accrues with the knowledge of His abiding Presence. (Joshua 1:9)

v.18 “Then Moses said, 'Now show me your glory.'”

Most of us, perhaps, would be satisfied with God's promise of friendship, favour and rest - and these are indeed wonderful things. For Moses, however, that was not enough. What Moses sought, what we are seeking is an encounter with God, to see Him in all His glory. King Saul, having been anointed by Samuel, had such an encounter with God:

1 Samuel 10:6-7 “The Spirit of the Lord will come upon you … and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you.”

It is our deepest desire to experience such an encounter ourselves – a spirit-empowering, life-changing encounter with the Living God. We are in pursuit of the promise that Jesus himself gives us in John 14:21. Following his encounter, Saul was released into his destiny, and it is our destiny, our assignment that we long to be revealed and empowered to fulfil.

v.19 “And the LORD said, 'I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence.'”

When God reveals Himself to Moses, it is in the glory of His goodness. It's our desire that His goodness is revealed in and through our own lives, to His everlasting glory. My heart has long held a passion to make a difference, a real and lasting difference in the world and in the lives of His beloved children, be they lost or found. I can't do this by my own might or power, but only by the Holy Spirit in me. (John 15:16)

After his encounter with God, Moses obeys His command to chisel out two more stone tablets to replace the ones he had broken, then to present himself before God on Mount Sinai. Here God makes a covenant with him:

Exodus 34:10 “Before all your people I will do wonders never before done in any nation in all the world. The people you live among will see how awesome is the work that I, the LORD, will do for you.”

This promise is our inheritance too, but now it's through us that he chooses to reveal signs and wonders that point to the one true and living God; miracles that make a real and lasting difference to people's lives; and awesome works that reveal His compassion, love and faithfulness in all the nations of the world. The kingdom of God is at hand - and we long for it to be revealed here on earth in our lives. (John 14:12-14)

Watch this space...

Mike

True rest

 

I have suffered with insomnia for many years and come to accept tiredness as the norm. I've pretty much just got on with life, managing things around my lack of sleep. In the past few weeks however, my lack of sleep has taken on a whole new dimension - with night after night of as little as 2 hours sleep. As a result I got myself into a bit of a tiz! Another way to describe a bit of a tiz is fear, anxiety, what if? In desperation I facebooked friends to ask for prayer.

That same morning Papa de-tizzed me! A couple of friends had responded to my request with a gentle reminder of rest. Not simply the physical rest of doing little, but the wonderful, addictive, intoxicating rest that comes through the finished work of the cross. The deep rest that comes from trusting Jesus and all that He has given. Jesus has finished it, completed the work – He has given me everything in fullness.

My inheritance is wildly rich and contains way more than I could ever need or want. I can rest in in the truth that He has already given it, done it all to me and for me. What a relief, what a deep satisfying sigh this brings to my being! The fullness has been given. Even my ability to believe it and see it manifest in my life is up to Him. He is the one who renews my mind and transforms me to believe.

During the de-tizzing process, another gentle invitation came “beloved, do you trust me?” This question, as it always does when it comes, hits somewhere deep within me, it hits the fear and I realise that in this place I have walked out from under the finished work of the cross, I have stopped believing that He has done it all and given all. The thing is, it's very difficult to rest without trust! What peace then, my decision to trust Him in this brings, another deep sigh, phew! He has it all covered, completely and utterly sorted. I know this affliction will end because my inheritance is deep, restorative sleep. As I wait though, to experience healing, there are great treasures in this darkness and He will see to it that I find them.

I'm not fighting any more, I'm not fighting sleep if it comes in the day and I'm not fighting wakefulness if it comes in the night. In fact I am getting to LOVE my times of being awake in the small hours when all else sleeps and everything is still. In it, He is knocking the 'fight' out of me and causing a greater trusting dependency on His constant goodness. I am discovering another, deeper place of rest and it is wonderful.

Trust is addictive, rest is addictive, drinking deeply and feasting on what He has done and given is addictive. I cannot live any other way. When I choose His way, joy becomes a constant regardless of circumstances. I lose myself in Him, | trust Him and I let Him completely take over. I get to live in the sweet, soft, melting core of Him where nothing is a big deal, where nothing is scary or overwhelming, and where I get to snuggle day after day in restful, perfect love.

Nicky

The Glorious Unknown

I'm on a journey into the great, awesome, glorious unknown. I have been captured by a love that transcends all reason, that is way bigger than myself and I cannot turn back. I am being drawn by the gravity of this love into increasing comprehension of its depths, loosing myself to it, forgetting who I am outside of its consuming glory.

I am going beyond the horizon, way beyond what I know and what I can see. Into the unknown places and spaces, dimensions and realities of Him. I am being drawn beyond my comprehension, leaving my own miniscule thoughts and ways behind – they are smaller than tiny dots compared to the vast ocean of His. I am leaving all that is familiar, all that I have known to journey into the glory of the unknown. I have to let go of the old and the familiar. I have to let go of all I have experienced and understood thus far. I have to take courage and be willing to journey into mystery and allow the discomfort of this new to be a constant companion. I know if I want to live in the fullness that is mine, if I want to see His glory change the world this is the path I must travel.

I am already in, I know that resistance is futile – a force way greater than me pulls me in and in and in until I cannot see behind, in front or around. I let go of me because all I want is Him. I want to be lost in the knowledge of Jesus, I want only Jesus, I loose myself because He is all that matters.

This feels like it goes beyond Mary sitting at Jesus' feet. Since the wonderful, glorious cross, I am united with my Christ. I am free to go further than sitting at His feet. He has made the way for me to merge with His very being, to be in union with Him and to experience the joyous bliss of the new covenant. He has placed the fullness of the Godhead within my being and His river of life and glory flows from within wherever I place my feet. This is about being not doing, about resting not working, trust not strife, about sinking into the finished work of the cross where He has done it all. Being will lead me there – a path unfamiliar, alien to most. Nothing required, I don't need to lift a finger because He has done it all. I can trust His gravitational pull to draw me into the cloud of His presence and from here all else will flow. From here the sick are healed and the broken mended, the lost found and the abandoned adopted.

It is all about Him because He has done it all. He has caught me up into this incredible, transforming, intoxicating journey and I am happily helpless to resist.

Nicky

xx

Expect the unexpected

I've been thinking about expectations lately because I've had many come to nought this year, in fact when I come to think of it this isn't actually a recent phenomena but has been occurring my whole life!

I realise that life is full of them and they happen every day. I expect to go to work tomorrow, I expect to eat breakfast, meet a friend – normal, every day expectations that carry on their merry dance through our lives without us even noticing. But then there are the biggies , the ones that carry weight and that we pin our hopes on. The ones where we expect life to turn out a certain way and follow the neat path that we have carefully crafted in our mind. The ones we create that keep life safe, secure and happy. For me, these 'biggies' often grow out of brokenness and are rooted in fear, a lack of trust in Papa. In the past they have led me into disappointment, pain and frustration with Jesus. I now realise that they were never His plans in the first place yet I was quick to blame Him when they weren't met!

So many times over the past 18 months I expected to sell our house, to leave the country and visit new pastures. Each time my expectations have been dashed there has been a little more transformation in my heart. Each time I have yielded a little more to His ways rather than my own. I am learning to trust that His ways are perfect and mine are not even when I don't fully understand what He's up to. I am learning to let go of expectations in the little things and the big things and simply to trust.

This place is the life I'm seeking. It isn't about “whatever will be will be”,rather a relentless refusal to do things my way. It is the ability to flow with the Holy Spirit with my hand in His. To give Him all the space He wants to do with my life what He will and lead me where He knows is best in the day to day and in the biggies. It takes time. I am so good at creating my own expectations that to dismantle what is second nature takes dedication. It comes back to letting go, it comes back to trust, it comes back to love – His passionate, perfect, always good love to me. It feels as if this is big and and that if I remain willing and yielded there is something amazing out the other side. I'm learning that there is such freedom and joy in expecting the unexpected and letting Him take control. It always turns out better than any of my best plans and has a way of working out perfectly!

Nicky

xx