Expect the unexpected

I've been thinking about expectations lately because I've had many come to nought this year, in fact when I come to think of it this isn't actually a recent phenomena but has been occurring my whole life!

I realise that life is full of them and they happen every day. I expect to go to work tomorrow, I expect to eat breakfast, meet a friend – normal, every day expectations that carry on their merry dance through our lives without us even noticing. But then there are the biggies , the ones that carry weight and that we pin our hopes on. The ones where we expect life to turn out a certain way and follow the neat path that we have carefully crafted in our mind. The ones we create that keep life safe, secure and happy. For me, these 'biggies' often grow out of brokenness and are rooted in fear, a lack of trust in Papa. In the past they have led me into disappointment, pain and frustration with Jesus. I now realise that they were never His plans in the first place yet I was quick to blame Him when they weren't met!

So many times over the past 18 months I expected to sell our house, to leave the country and visit new pastures. Each time my expectations have been dashed there has been a little more transformation in my heart. Each time I have yielded a little more to His ways rather than my own. I am learning to trust that His ways are perfect and mine are not even when I don't fully understand what He's up to. I am learning to let go of expectations in the little things and the big things and simply to trust.

This place is the life I'm seeking. It isn't about “whatever will be will be”,rather a relentless refusal to do things my way. It is the ability to flow with the Holy Spirit with my hand in His. To give Him all the space He wants to do with my life what He will and lead me where He knows is best in the day to day and in the biggies. It takes time. I am so good at creating my own expectations that to dismantle what is second nature takes dedication. It comes back to letting go, it comes back to trust, it comes back to love – His passionate, perfect, always good love to me. It feels as if this is big and and that if I remain willing and yielded there is something amazing out the other side. I'm learning that there is such freedom and joy in expecting the unexpected and letting Him take control. It always turns out better than any of my best plans and has a way of working out perfectly!

Nicky

xx